fly 2 his heart

winner and a giveaway

2012-02-18T08:18:00.000-08:00

we are enjoying a lazy saturday morning here. still in my jammies. ahhhh...

owl jammies!

but the day after a migraine, i think it is well deserved.

i figure i better be a little bit lazy while i can, 'cuz the next couple of months could get really crazy!

so, i know the real reason you checked in this morning...you wanna know who won the giveaway!

before the big reveal i want to share someone elses giveaway with you.

my dear friend, who is a fellow adoptive mommy, who has a huge heart for orphans and the lost....

i am proud to call her friend. it was her family's obedience to the call that spurred us on to bring home our little bit. her constant encouragement has been a lifeline to me at times.

she has a giveaway and while i would really, really like to win it....you might want to too!

check out her blog post and follow the directions...

http://gatheringpeeps.typepad.com/gathering_peeps/

ok.

ready?

time for the reveal....little bit is my lovely assistant.

drawing out a name.

how about this one?

a little peruvian "cheese" for you.

why don't they say queso?

and the winner is.....drumroll please.

JANET!

so, janet, shoot me an email or a message with your contact info and we will get this in the mail for you.

thanks for playing folks!

happy saturday!

because i wanna

2012-02-15T20:00:00.000-08:00

i've been thinking a lot about what i can do to make a difference. how i can help. how i can encourage others.

i've been thinking about how blessed i am. how God has used others to encourage me. how when i am hurt there is always someone God puts in my path for me to love and to love on me in return. that i only have to look around and see someone who needs what i have to offer. someone who needs.

i've been amazed at conversations i have had today. conversations i had yesterday. watching God work. seeing beauty in others. being reminded myself how beautiful His people are. how beautiful the family of God is. how we are all just broken clay pots that He wants to use to bring glory to His name so the whole world can see Him. if He wants to pick up the shards of my heart and use me to bring Him glory...well i am all for it. i am glad though He needs to reshape me, that He is always ready to use me.

while there are a few things in the works that i cannot reveal yet, to help tide you over.....

it's time to give back.

so i am doing another giveaway.

yours can say a name or a place. i just happened to make this one for a young lady at our church to celebrate her graduation from high school.

it could say....africa or peru or china or russia....

or it could say....emma or micah or haley or sam....

or you could put....family or hope or faith or blessings

maybe when you look at it you see a teardrop...and you remember.

maybe when you look at it you see a guitar pick....and you want to sing.

it can be either.

it's up to you.

sooooooooo.......

here's what you need to do:
1. leave a comment on this post
2. make sure to leave your name
3. tell me what is your favorite thing about spring

we will draw a name out of the basket on saturday morning. look for the big reveal.

ready?

set.

go!

just because you asked so nicely

2012-02-13T16:54:00.000-08:00

first of all i want to thank you if you've have asked what's new. if you've asked if we've heard anything. if you've asked for an update.

you probably don't know how good it makes me feel to know that you care.

keep asking...i probably won't know anything new...but keep asking anyway.

we are still waiting to hear that our dossier has been accepted. i have no idea when we will hear. just one day we will probably get an email with the good news.

it kinda reminds me of being pregnant. someone would call and ask if i had the baby yet....as if i would not call them and let them know the good news. too funny!

trust me, when we know something, you will too. we will be shouting from the mountain tops. ok..no mountains in kansas. so i will drive over to the sledding hill on centennial road and shout from the top of it instead!

what i do know is this...when our dossier is finally accepted we will be receiving an assignment paper directly from the sna. hopefully we will see two sweet names attached to the good news.

i would love nothing more that to be matched at the february meeting. it may or may not happen. we may have to wait until march or april or....

we have started looking at plane ticket prices {gasp} and getting some lodging ideas. i would love to stay in an apartment in lima. a little room would be nice, hotels are hard to stay in for a month with kids. of course no concrete plans as of yet.

we are still waiting to here from our home study agency that our addendum is finished. we were hoping to see something today, maybe we will have it tomorrow. i would just like to have it signed, sealed and delivered to uscis. one more step in the right direction.

why an addendum? our original home study went up to age 10 and our little lady turned 11 today. so we needed to make an adjustment. just one of those things that uscis will ask us to update, we thought we would get it done before they asked.

if you think of our little lady today, will you please pray for her? pray that God is already preparing her heart to accept her family. pray that she will have someone wish her a happy birthday, that someone will celebrate her life, that someone will whisper words of love to her. i wish i could call her. no, actually i wish i could hold her today, and tell her that she is beautiful and loved and wanted. i would tell her that she is already loved by 5 siblings. that she has grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and friends that can't wait to meet her. that she has a cousin her very own age. that she has a baby sister who talks about her all the time. and that Jesus loves her.

maybe it won't be too long and i can tell her face to face.
"a father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, He leads forth the prisoners with singing;" psalm 68:5-6a

just a glimmer of hope

2012-02-07T14:46:00.000-08:00

well, i still have not received any word on how the meeting went.

waiting....waiting....waiting....

however, we do know that the final bits have all been submitted.

so far the sna has not asked for anything else...so far...

that could still happen.

we are praying that everything will be accepted in time for the february consejo. it is a long shot, but hey...isn't that what prayer is all about? praying in faith for what is not humanly possible? if God can stop rain from falling for 7 years, or make the entire earth flood, or make the sun stand still....well then He surely can do this little thing.

please continue to pray that we will be matched at the february consejo.

the other glimmer of hope came in the form of an email from a friend this afternoon. she too is waiting for a dossier to be accepted. waiting to be matched to a little boy.

the two we have asked to be matched to have typed in the empty box by their names, " solicitud de adopcion", or in english "adoption requested". then a date and our agency's name.

oh how that made my heart sing. to see their names are being set aside for us as we finish up the process. right now i do not need to worry that someone will snatch them up. peace...such a beautiful thing.

so thank you becky!

i have to confess that i have made a few purchases for the kids. risky? yes, it is, but i did it anyway. somehow it helps a little bit to buy cute girly pjs for my two girls or a plaid shirt for my boy. i am just guessing at sizes, but that's okay, my first peruvian was super tiny, if anything they will grow into the things i am getting for them. i will not know real sizes until after we are matched...hopefully the orphanages will cooperate and get some sizes out to us. i am sure that the tweener and i will be doing some shopping regardless of what i bring for her.

as soon as i hear more news, i will pass it along to you.

when i was at the created for care retreat we has some amazing worship times. sometimes i sang, other times i stood there with raised arm and cried. but one song we sang touched me deeply. if you could have a theme song for an adoption this would be ours. it is "our God is greater" by chris tomlin.

water You turned into wine, opened the eyes of the blind
there's no one like You, none like You

into the darkness You shine, out of the ashes we rise
there's no one like You, none like You

our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
our God is healer, awesome in power
our God, our God

into the darkness You shine, our of the ashes we rise
there's no one like You, none like You

and if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
and if our God is with us, then what could stand against us

did you see that last part? that is the prayer of my heart...exactly...

AND IF OUR GOD IS FOR US, THEN WHO COULD EVER STOP US
AND IF OUR GOD IS WITH US, THEN WHAT COULD STAND AGAINST US

am i shouting? YES! i cannot say or sing these words enough. ever.

"praise be to the LORD my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. He is my loving God and my Fortress, my Stronghold and my deliverer, my Shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me. o LORD, what is man that you care for him, the son of man that you think of him?" psalm 144:1-3

please pray

2012-02-03T15:20:00.000-08:00

we are in need of prayer.

it's just that simple.

i found out this afternoon that our representative in peru has all of our paperwork. tomorrow a meeting is scheduled for her to hand it in the the sna and discuss our case.

to say i have a wee bit of nervous energy is a huge understatement right now.

maybe this is what i need to kick myself in high gear.

these are the things i am asking for you to pray on our behalf.
1. that the sna will look favorably on us and our case.
2. that they will see our heart for these two specific children.
3. that they will accept our dossier and match us to these children.
4. that God's will for our lives will be accomplished.

i will keep you posted about the outcome. maybe we will even hear something tomorrow evening. wouldn't that be lovely?

in the meantime...the nesting continues. at a furious pace. we are finishing up the laundry room/craft room project. i painted walls and trim, and then the hubster agreed to put in a ceiling. now i don't have to worry about spiders dropping on me....not that i've seen any in the rafters, but you know...

i still have that quilt to finish. then some new jewelry to put in my etsy shop and my friend's shop downtown. plus this weekend our small group is coming over for the super bowl. not that i watch football. i have an amazing ability to appear like i am watching the sporting event and yet not be paying attention at all. i can even converse about it and ask appropriate questions. that must be one reason my hubby likes me so much...well that and the queso and chips i provide.

right now little bit is playing with her potato heads. she makes one for each member of the family. i am lucky because my look-alike potato head always wears the yellow beehive hair-do. jealous? well you should be. right now the cat is wearing green glasses. she is sitting over there giggling at how hilarious she is.

"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." philippians 4:6-7

so for right now i am going to do my best to not worry about the outcome of the meeting. i will pray for the peace that comes only from the One who is able to guard my heart and my mind. i will pray that God will match these children to us, that He will move the hearts and minds of the authorities in peru to look favorably on us, that above all else His will is done.

will you join me in prayer?

winner...winner...winner!

2012-01-30T18:16:00.000-08:00

but before i tell you who is my winner....

i want to share with you about my amazing weekend at the created for care retreat.

so refreshing. so exhausting.

i roomed with a couple of close friends, my baby sister and a new friend.

i feel like i haven't slept in several days...minus the after school nap i had today.

i am still processing everything i heard. but the Lord, Himself showed up and ministered to a whole bunch of moms that are busy raising kids from hard places. we worshiped, ate, snacked, ate some more, listened to some amazing speakers, went to break out sessions, shopped, snapped photos, ate, stayed up super late....

i am so thankful that i was able to go. thanks to my dad who covered my plane ticket.

so thankful that my little sis brought it up and then paid the cost of the retreat for me.

if these two had not helped, i would not have been there.

i was supposed to be there. plain and simple.

i left here bright and early on friday morning desperately in need of refreshment.

most of the time, through speakers and worship, i cried. why? what was said and what was sung touched the depths of my heart.

i adored the late night visits in our room, meeting new friends in the hallways. finding people who share your passion, your vision, your dreams. even meeting someone who is doing exactly what we are doing...we even share the whole mother of multiples thing.

balm to my weary soul.

i believe that i will begin saving up now to go next year. yep, that important to me.

chillin' with my peeps

table centerpieces

He makes all things beautiful in it's time.

sessions

sunrise outside our window on sunday morning

believe it or not...i was the only person there who has ever adopted from peru. not surprised...me neither. during some of the meals we sat with people from our agency or country. i sat at the table of "misfit toys". someone from brazil, another from somewhere in the caribbean, 2 from india, one undecided, one from the usa. funny how our original bond was our kids and the miracle they all are.

ok, so i've blabbered on long enough....

time for the big reveal....

originally i planned on little bit drawing the name...but she was having a few issues about getting ready for bed...so my son helped out.

doesn't he look excited?

well he should be and so should you NANCY.

'cuz you're my winner!

contact me and we will work out the details.

now off to change out a load of laundry and go to bed.

goodnight!

you are loved giveaway

2012-01-26T18:10:00.000-08:00

maybe sometimes you forget.

maybe you need a reminder.

you are loved!

maybe you need to remind someone else. someone who has has forgotten.

maybe you want to tell someone...your mom, your grandmother, your sister, your daughter, your friend...

maybe you are the one that needs to be reminded.

so to help you out, i am having a little giveaway.

that's right.

for this pretty little bauble.

you can keep it, you can give it away. it's your choice.

here's what you need to do:

1. leave a comment here

2. tell me who you would like to remind that they are loved

3. tell me one thing you would like to tell this person

that's it.

little bit will draw the name out of a basket on monday evening around 7 pm central time.

i will send it anywhere. it just might not get there in time for valentine's day. :)

are you ready?

get set...

GO!

random wednesday

2012-01-25T15:19:00.000-08:00

i was having lunch with my oldest today, when she casually mentioned that she signed for an overnight envelope. so after we finished eating and before i headed back to work, i zipped home.

YEAH!

the apostilles came.

WOO HOO!

i have already sent them on to the agency.

tomorrow by noon was the delivery promise.

they will join the ones being done for us by villa hope.

then off to peru.

{insert happy dance here}

what a relief.

once they land in peru, both sets of "fix-its" will be hand delivered to the sna.

we are praying that they will be quickly accepted along with our dossier and that we will be matched to our prince and princess in the february consejo.

i know that it may not happen. that they could require something else. that they could want more time to look over the documents, but it is what we are praying for. it is what we would love for you to pray for too.

we still have lots to do here. i still have not finished the quilt. sigh. being matched would be an excellant motivator. however, i am sure that will kick up my nesting a notch or too. not really sure that the hubster is ready for that! good thing he loves me....nesting with twins is scary! i know, i've done it before.

since i am being completely random today....or every day. and since i talk and write in fragments...i will continue the fragmented randomness with a picture of my new haircut.

5 inches off folks.

crazy.

seriously not the best photo...so just look at my hair.

sadly enough this was the 542nd try to get a picture....i need my baby sister. she is a genius with the camera. maybe we will get some fun photos this weekend.

2 days and counting.

i can hardly wait.

it is well with my soul

2012-01-24T14:48:00.000-08:00

we sang this song in church on sunday morning.

well, i should say that everyone else sang the song and i quietly wept.

why? it doesn't really feel well with my soul.

all of the waiting and changes and re dos.

i felt like my heart was breaking in two pieces. ripped apart.

now as i think about it again, the tears come alongside the thoughts. maybe my heart was already broken and God was stitching it back together.

i have literally felt broken for a long time now. for about 3 years, ever since God first woke me at night with a dream about a young black haired girl swinging on the arms of my older daughters. it is almost exactly 3 years since we decided to walk on this crazy adoption path. 3 years since i've really felt like i fit in anywhere.

this weekend i am going somewhere that i will fit it.

the created for care retreat.

i can hardly wait.

while i really, really wanted to go....there was just no way i could swing the bill. not with a second international adoption piggybacking on the last one. my baby sis generously offered to pay my way and my dad is letting me use his frequently flier miles to get there. so beautiful, their love. their kindness. it is the very balm my wounded heart needed.

so friday the family is just going to have to live without me. a first for little bit, but she will have the love of the rest of her family while i am gone.

my sweet baby girl

i hope to come home refreshed and renewed. is it possible to be refreshed and exhausted???

this song that brought me to tears on sunday, just happens to be my mom's favorite hymn. actually i really, really like it too. normally.

it is well with my soul

when peace like a river, attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well, with my soul.

it is well, with my soul, it is well, with my soul, it is well, it is well, with my soul.

though satan should buffet, though trials should come, let this blest assurance control,
that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and hath shed His own blood for my soul.

it is well, with my soul, it is well, with my soul, it is well, it is well, with my soul.

my sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! my sin, not in part but the whole,
is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

it is well, with my soul, it is well, with my soul, it is well, it is well, with my soul.

and Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, the clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, even so, it is well with my soul.

it is well, with my soul, it is well, with my soul, it is well, it is well, with my soul.

by Horatio Spafford

i can relate to the man in mark with the demon possessed son. you remember him? the one who told Jesus, "if" He could heal his son. i can relate to the part that he really, really wanted to believe that everything was going to work out in the end. but in all honesty he just didn't have the faith or the ability to fully believe it would happen.

“i do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” mark 9:24

i mean i do know that God will work all of this out to His glory. sometimes is it just hard to remember that He is the one who is holding the sparrow. it's not me, it's not even about me.
it's about them. two children desperate for a family. it's about Him. a loving Father who desires to place the orphan in a family.

so today i will choose to believe. to believe in His goodness and His timing and His love.

today it will be well with my soul.

auction highlights

2012-01-19T20:04:00.000-08:00

thanks to a couple of dear friends, i have some pictures of our auction.

there was no way i was going to get any taken on my own. they heard my shout-out and gladly came to my rescue. so thanks c and d...you ladies rock!

warning: you are about to see a lot of photos.

generous friends

salad, it's kinda funny that we never got a picture of the spaghetti!

mmmmm....cookie bars

some of my fabulous servers

these two, my friend's son and my son, serving lemonade....maybe drinking more than they served

my beautiful oldest, helping in the kitchen

family friends helping her

pottery

cool old cannister set

suitcases

beautiful oak headboard

antique trunk

our wonderful auctioneer who donated his time

generous people looking for a treasure

little bit and a friend

little bit and her big friend, oh how she adores this teenager

sweet friends who came and gave and ate and bought and loved

towards the end of the night, little bit spent a lot of time in my arms.

big brother finally took her home.

she had a wonderful time.

my friend and co-worker

here i am helping to load the piano.

or not.

the whole reason behind the auction.

that two sweet children living a continent away,

will fly home and finally be at rest.

oh. so. beautiful.

there is no way to thank everyone for everything they have done to help us.

mostly because so many gave in secret.

please know that you have touched our hearts.

we thank God for your generosity.

thanks to those who brought their stuff for us to sell.

thanks to those who helped me shop.

thanks to those who helped me cook.

thanks to those who served, set up, tore down, cleaned.

thanks to those who came to eat.

thanks to those who came to shop.

thanks to those who wrote reallly big checks for their dinner.

thanks to those who have continued to donate even after the event is over.

we are blessed to have you in our lives.

this story that we will tell these children about you and your love,

is so beautiful.

so beautiful indeed.

"for this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, i have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. i keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better." ephesians 1:15-17

much to report

2012-01-18T17:40:00.000-08:00

i stood in the boy's department of target this evening and cried.

i am ready to buy clothes for little man.

he already has a few things hanging in his closet.

but i'm really ready to fill his suitcase and closet with cute plaids and stripes and funny t-shirts.

i stood there silently begging God to speed this thing up. begging him to bring home these children. begging Him to perform a miracle on our behalf, on their behalf.

fortunately, for me, the boy's section was empty.

today i picked up the psychologist report. it is the last document we need.

tomorrow after we make a copy, it will be sent along with the other two reports we wrote to topeka kansas to get an apostille. overnight.

once apostilled we will overnight all three to our agency and then they will be on their way to peru.

but not in time for the next consejo.

sniff

little lady has a birthday in february, i had hoped she would know that she had a family before this special day. it is not to be. i am just going to have to trust God that the timing He has for us, will be for ours and hers and his best. it is not something i can control.

hopefully everything will be in place for the february consejo. that is what we will pray for.

it's funny how i feel very similar to the way i felt when i was pregnant with my twins. well, minus the 60 extra pounds i carried. but the same emotionally. i actually had all of the birthday and christmas presents made, purchased and wrapped for our family and extended family. the twin's birthdays are august 25th. crazy nesting? yes, i do think so!

no i have not begun working on next year's christmas presents. but i am currently painting and organizing my laundry/craft room. on saturday the hubster will install a ceiling in my space. i am pretty sure he would like the turbo-nesting to come to an end. there is only one way that will happen. when i board the plane to peru. until then the insanity will continue. oh joy.

i still have quilt to make for little man's room. maybe i will work on that this weekend while the hubster does some sheet rock work. heaven knows that he does not want my help. he had already told me he has plans to have the guys help him. i guess i had better plan on buying some donuts to lure them out of bed.

i know you are curious about the auction...it was amazing. we had a great turn out both for the spaghetti supper and the auction. we sold nearly everything, just a few little things to take over to the local thrift store. i plan on showing you some of the pics and sharing about the evening, but am waiting for a friend to send me some of the pics she took...she is having computer problems. as soon as i get them, i will share the details with you.

to say that i was overwhelmed and blessed and an emotional wreck, would be an understatement. but it was wonderful, such an outpouring of love towards us. what a fun story that will be for our kids someday. i am looking forward to sharing it with them.

i had a pretty sweet talk with a young man, who just happens to be the youngest son of one of my best friends. i thanked him for helping us. he told me that he really liked to help. that he thinks about these two kids a lot. he wants to be a part of their lives, to help them. you see he understands better than i ever will, because his past and their pasts are intertwined.

orphans no more....beloved children.

"sing to God, sing in praise of his name, extol Him who rides on the clouds; rejoice before Him—His name is the LORD. a Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, He leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land." psalm 68:4-6

auction time

2012-01-13T17:16:00.000-08:00

you heard me right.

we are having an auction.

saturday night, january 14, 2012.

we will start with a spaghetti supper at 5:30

source

spaghetti with meat sauce
parmesan cheese
salad
carrots
garlic bread
cookie bars/brownies
lemonade/iced tea/water

sound yummy?

the meal is by donation....so bring your appetite!

then the bidding begins at 6:30.

my guys are all over at the newton armory right now, unloading the trailer...again.

people have been incredibly generous in their donations.

there are several things i would like to bid on myself! i have been told i cannot. we shall see...i may have a mole! hee, hee

i will try to take some pics, although i am not very good at that sort of thing. i am really hoping that one of my more photo friendly friends will show up and do that for me. {hint, hint}

so far 23 plus people have donated things for us to sell. more people are bringing things in the morning.

when my hubby first talked to the sergeant he gave us a half price listing for the use of the facilities. when hubster went back with a check, the sergeant told him that he would like to donate the space for our use. he told him that he really believed in adoption and wanted to help.

the same thing happened with our auctioneer. he wanted to donate his time to us too.

we have friends that have handed out flyers.

friends who have hung up posters at their businesses.

friends who sold a piano and gave us the money so we would have something for start-up costs.

friends that are planning to come and give us the gift of their time, by serving, taking money, cleaning up spills.

friends who have invested as much as we have in this endeavor.

all for two children living in orphanages in peru.

all for two kids that they don't know, but love, because they love us.

all for two young people that don't understand what love even means....but would really like to know.

"they will come and shout for joy on the heights of Zion; they will rejoice in the bounty of the LORD— the grain, the new wine and the olive oil, the young of the flocks and herds. they will be like a well-watered garden, and they will sorrow no more. then young women will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow. I will satisfy the priests with abundance, and my people will be filled with my bounty,” declares the LORD." jeremiah 31:12-14

to say that i feel blessed and overwhelmed all at the same time would be a huge understatement.

please pass me the tissues....sniff...

glad

2012-01-09T18:13:00.000-08:00

the changes in this sweet girl have astounded me lately.

so many changes from this little girl here.

one of my best friends told me that i would be amazed when she had been home a year.

it's true.

she understands so much more about her world. her life.

she understands that she is part of a family. even when she's naughty, she's still loved.

we were recently told by her school that she seemed to be having some problems seeing the board. that sometimes she squints.

i took her in to have her vision tested. it did not go as well as i had hoped, but also not as bad as i had worried. fortunately there are ways to test vision even if a kiddo is not completely complying with the doctor's wishes.

in the end we were successful and even ordered some super cute glasses for our girl.

but they had to be ordered and she came home in these instead.

she thought these were the coolest glasses ever. she didn't want to take them off, even though she really couldn't see in the house at all. pretty funny!

today i took her in for her fitting.

she was so excited. i guess some days it's the little things that make you happy.

she kept telling me thank you and that she loved the new glasses.

so precious.

i think she looks pretty cute!

oh. my. heart. she is growing up.

she noticed today that in our picture of little lady...she has glasses too! just the same as her. she told me that's because they are sisters.

i love it that a child who has found a forever family wants the same for other children too.

beautiful heart.

"but let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. spread Your protection over them, that those who love Your name may rejoice in You." psalm 5:11

to report or not to report...

2012-01-04T16:18:00.000-08:00

i need your help.

we were just told a little while ago by our psychologist that the report the sna needs for him to write "will take a long time to write".

seriously?

this is the same report that i spent around 4 days gathering information, pasting it into fact sheets and emailing to him. the information i located is 12 pages in length. with all contact information and photos and details of services available to us.

all he needs to do is combine it into a report. make it look official. sign it. notarize it. call me to come and pick it up.

but there is actually a lot more at stake here than a report written by a psychologist.

there is some trickle down happening in peru that could cause everything to come to a screeching halt.

the prime minister of peru has stepped down. that individual elects a cabinet. part of the cabinet is the director of mimdes. when this person changes most likely so will the secretary of adoption, the head of the sna. when the sna director changes everything will stop. completely. new questions will be asked. files will need to be reviewed yet again.

it's like giving a mouse a cookie or giving a moose a muffin, only a really bad version.

at the very least, the matching meeting will not happen for a month or two with restructuring takes place.

so for us to beat all of the changes we need this documents immediately...if not sooner.

on top of the 12 pages i put together for the psychologist, we wrote a report that is 6 pages long.

here is where i need your help...

will you pray?

will you pray that the psychologist will write this report quickly?

will you pray that the documents will be apostilled quickly?

will you pray that the sna will accept the documents and match us with little man and little lady quickly?

God knows the cry of our heart. He is able to do this.

"why do you complain, Jacob? why do you say, israel, “my way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God”? do you not know? have you not heard? the LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. isaiah 40:27-29

i will trust. i will have faith. i will hold onto hope.

and i might just bug him a little bit by email too!

blessed

2011-12-30T13:00:00.000-08:00

sometimes i'm surprised that anyone reads this blog.

sometimes i'm surprised that anyone is interested in our crazy life.

sometimes i'm surprised by the people that having generously given to us.

monday a dear friend of ours had a birthday party. he turned a BIG number. his desire was that instead of people giving him gifts, that they would give the gifts to us.

crazy.

when he first approached us with his idea, the hubster and i were taken aback by his generosity. in fact so much so, that we did not even have words to express our gratitude. he said,"maybe you don't want me to do this." the hubster said, " no, we want you to do this, we are just overwhelmed." at this point i looked him in the eye....with tears running down my face. he said, "i get it." and he does.

oh dear friend, the depths of gratitude for your friendship, for your gift, still bring tears to my eyes.

thank you for letting little bit dance while you sang. she had a wonderful time. she still talks about it...all. the. time.

jill, thanks for the photos!

the hubster and i first met this gentle man when we became youth sponsors. we have traveled to numerous camps, retreats, mission trips together. it's funny how when you are striving for the gospel you grow deep in the love of God, especially with those you serve with. he has a deep relationship with his Savior. a deep regard for God's word. a deep regard for those he has served with.

i am proud to call him friend.

thank you for blessing us.

thank you for helping us to bring home little man and little lady.

when we tell them the story of how they came to be in our family...you will be a chapter in that story.

i really didn't think this time around i would feel so emotional about the adoption.

i was wrong.

even more so this time.

i am so thankful.

i am so blessed.

looking forward

2011-12-26T20:36:00.000-08:00

we had a great time celebrating the birth of our Savior together.

all my chicks were in the nest. that alone is reason to rejoice.

it was just a fun day. food, fellowship, games, naps, movies, more food.

little bit was in her element as the baby of the family. soaking up the affection of her family.

the strides she has made since last year are gianormous.

opening stockings

hugs!

new ribbon hairstyles

showing us how the new "kitchen" works.

even though we had a great time, my mind kept wandering to the ones who are not home yet.

time to share a secret.

i've been guarding my own heart a little, not really willing to share. i think it is time.

we have requested 2 kiddos from peru.

two non-related children.

simultaneously.

it may not happen. or it may.

from here on out they are little man and little lady.

by the time we pick them up (Lord willing) they will be 8 and 11, respectively.

it's been a wild ride, this journey. we have begged family and friends to pray for us...to pray for wisdom, strength, peace. to pray that God would work out all of the details on another continent. that God, Himself will be glorified in the process.

right now we are working on a few additional things the sna has asked us to do if we want them to consider our request. that they are even willing to go this far is huge. there are no laws in peru stating that they will not do this, but they just don't do it very often.

i realize i am opening myself up to all kinds of criticism by sharing this, but also know there are those of you that will double your prayer efforts for us. those of you that will join in our excitement. those of you that will help our family with this crazy endeavor. those of you who will partner with us in life.

tomorrow morning i am meeting a friend at our local coffee hang-out spot norm's coffee bar, . she and i are planning to hit the report we have to write. it's a little unnerving to know that so much is riding on this report. i am confident that with her help, i will not sound like the overly-emotional, village idiot that i sometimes believe i am.

then our psychologist will get to write another report too. i am sure he will be thrilled {insert sarcasm here}. i did warn him when we saw him a week and a half ago. i even gave him the translated parts of the kid's files, our letters of request and shared our hearts with him. so i don't think he will be very surprised when i email him tomorrow. we may be surprised by bill we receive.

it figures that i have sent the documents to be apostilled already and now will need to do this again. the murphy's law of adoption. if something must have a special seal of some kind, you will need to do this more that once, not all documents will be in the overnight envelope.

oh, well, completely worth it!

the truth is this: God can do this. we are putting our faith and trust in Him, to help us do this crazy thing. i know it will be hard...not just the adoption, but life afterwards. the life after the airport party. the battle in our home to knit these children to our hearts, to our family, to our life.

but even though it will be tough. it will be good. it will be beautiful.

why? because this wasn't something dreamed up by us, not some agenda of ours, not some idea to see how many times we can head to peru , to see how big our family can become. but rather something dreamed up by a God much bigger than our dreams and our agenda and our ideas. you see we could have said no and just finished raising our biological kids. we could have ignored that whispered voice. we could be saving for our retirement or a new car or a luxury vacation. but somewhere along the way, God has grabbed our hearts for the orphan and we will never be the same again. absolutely destroyed for the sake of the fatherless. hopelessly broken for the child without a family. completely useless to do anything other that obey the call on our lives. we could decide to just go to peru and work full time in an orphanage or move to an african nation and live our lives out on foreign soil sharing the gospel. instead we are bringing three lost children into our home, the ultimate mission trip. a lifelong mission trip. while some days i wonder what i am getting myself into....i also glory in the joy the thought of them coming home brings.

next christmas will certainly look different.

but won't it be beautiful?

the little things

2011-12-23T21:03:00.000-08:00

sometimes it's the little things that make the biggest difference.

tonight was one of the nights when a sweet word from our agency did just that.

"gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." proverbs 16:24

what a beautiful gift it was to open that email and hear words that we have been hoping to hear.

hope.

a little early christmas present to our famly.

"how sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" psalm 119:103

we still have a way to go to make this thing happen. they could still say no, even after revisions and more revisions of our dossier.

i believe that the God who asked this crazy, unbelievable, beautiful thing of us is more that able to bring it to pass. so instead of worrying about all the "what-ifs", i will have faith that the One who loves to place the orphan in a family. He can and will do what He desires.

it is amazing that the sna is even considering our request.

beautiful, sweet words.

hope renewed.

in a nutshell

2011-12-21T21:13:00.000-08:00

not much to share.

but since so many people keep asking, i will give a little update.

we have completed all 11 items on our fix-it list.

that's right folks. done.

6 medical forms stamped, re dated and notarized

1 social worker license

1 psychological update

1 psychologist license

1 psychiatrist license

1 birth certificate

tomorrow i will send 10 of the documents to the secretary of state office in topeka, kansas to be apostilled. the last document will be sent to the secretary of state office in raleigh, north carolina for the same purpose. sent overnight with overnight return envelopes tucked inside. i am trying really, really hard not to think about the expense. roughly $165. gulp.

i nearly panicked when our agency asked me to get these apostilled. i had not done this before. so i sent an email to a friend, who pointed me in the right direction. thanks t.

at first i though about driving to topeka and hand delivering the documents, then thought about all the stuff i need to do.....and quickly changed my mind. so i made a call and spoke to a very friendly lady at the secretary of state office. i am following her directions to a t and should have them back on tuesday or wednesday.

not only did i get some stellar directions, i also learned all about apostilles in the process. while there is some debate on just how the word is said, i now understand what the word means. basically an apostille is a certification of a document before it can be used for an international purpose. if you are working with a country that is a part of the hague convention then you need an apostille, if not then your documents need to be authenticated.

an apostille is a fancy term for verifying that the person that signed as a notary is really able to do just that. that's it. for $7.50 a document (or $10.00 for north carolina...although they do give a cut rate for additional documents).

"some countries, including the united states, are parties to the 1961 hague convention abolishing the requirement of legalization for foreign public documents. by joining the convention, countries agree to accept a specific, universal type of certification on public documents. this type of certification is called an 'apostille'. with an apostille the document is recognized by other countries for its intended use and does not require any additional certifications by the u.s. department of state or legalization by the embassy or consulate." look here for more info

once we get the documents back then will be overnighted to our agency. then our completed documents will join their completed documents and sent on to peru. i am hopeful things are being translated already, as we have sent documents as we have gotten them. our agency is really good at this. by the time our dossier made it to peru, it was already translated and delivered the very next day. i am sure the same will happen with our updates.

once it is all delivered to the sna, they will go over it to make sure we completed things to their satisfaction. then hopefully our dossier will be accepted and we will be put on the docket for the matching meeting.

so that's it in a nutshell.

still waiting. we have not heard anything. that is probably good news. there will be a matching meeting sometime next week, probably on thursday, since that is when it the meetings seem to be happening. the results will be posted in the first week of january.

please pray that little man will not be matched with anyone else.

we may still be able to make the january consejo.

hopefully.

maybe.
"we wait in hope for the LORD; He is our Help and our Shield. in Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name." psalm 33:20-21

3 steps forward

2011-12-15T19:12:00.000-08:00

it's been a busy day.

that was a terrific understatement.

it was an insane day. so much so that we went to see the psychologist.

well actually, peru made us update a few things and one of them was a revisit with our psychologist.

hubby and i had to fill out some paperwork proving that our kids are not as nuts as we are. then he spoke with them all. well all except little bit, though she did a very nice job of greeting him in the lobby and waited patiently for her siblings to finish up.

there's just not a lot of sense in her chatting with him, although she would love the attention. she is not fluent enough to really understand what he would need to ask her.

in case you are curious after he was done meeting with the biggers, he talked with us. he shared some of the things they told him. all in all it was pretty sweet to hear about their hearts for orphans. their excitement about a little brother.

we drove through wendy's on our way home.

then headed over to the big guys' concert. older twin is in orchestra and plays the double bass. younger twin played the drums for one of the pieces they did...the transiberian orchestra version of "christmas eve". they did an outstanding job. i was very proud to be the mama, i almost felt like i should take a bow. i did restrain myself...no fears.

then home to throw the littlest one in bed, before the morning grouchies attached to her. not pleasant folks!

funny, silly child.

i think the hubby might be asleep!

this is what we accomplished today:

1. visit with psychologist
2. copy of psychologist license
3. talked to doctor about taking medical sheets over to be stamped and notarized
4. talked to psychiatrist about getting license.

may not seem like much to you. to me, it is huge.

once we have all of these documents, we will be ready to get apostilles and send them to peru.

that, my friends, will be a very good day.

i thought by now

2011-12-13T19:22:00.000-08:00

i would have some exciting news to share with you.

that is not true.

no news.

nothing exciting.

we are still harboring secrets. i am not at liberty to share, although i would love it if you would still pray for us and those making decisions in peru.

so we continue to wait.

honestly we could wait for quite a while. we could go with no answers until the end of january or february at least.

we did receive a list of dossier revisions to make for the sna. it is hard to believe that there is anything they would want.

this is the "fix-it" list:

1. oldest daughter's birth certificate

this one probably baffles me the most. she does not live with us. she has not lived with us for the last year. she was not a part of the home study. i was able to order it on friday. it cost over $70. just to have it in 2 weeks. thank you north carolina vital records.

2. get medicals sealed

whatever that means. we are still trying to figure that one out with the help of our agency. we are hoping that a notary can fix that problem, because doctors in the us of a do not seal medical forms.

3. update home study agency license

that is being taken care of by our agency. one of the people that worked on our home study needed to have their license renewed...long after our home study was completed, mind you. so they sent us a fabulous document with names and dates and signatures that i am sure will be loved and adored by all.

4.something about the apostille of our documents

another vague one that our agency will iron out for us. not so sure what they are talking about.

5. psych update

they want to know that we can handle little man's needs. this is actually a very good sign, since they mentioned him by name. this is out of the ordinary. our agency sent us a template for him to use from the sna. we hope to get this taken care of pretty quick.

all in all not a bad list. it is very doable. again we are "lucky" and have some pretty easy fixes.

in the mean time we are pressing on. doing the here and now. working on bedrooms and buying clothing. making a quilt for a little boy.

i do feel like we do not have all of our family home for christmas. i keep thinking about peruvian faces around my table. buying little boys gifts. stepping on legos. more running and yelling. light saber fights in the back yard. i am sure my men will need new light sabers too, as well as little bit. feel free to buy stock in hasbro, i am sure it will be going up.

last week i had a to-do list. i have accomplished some of the things on it, but not all. we did clean out the basement. now our garage is full, but the auction will take care of that. we also took a healthy load over to a local thrift shop. i made a whole bunch of etsy orders and will continue to do that this week. (it's not too late to order folks!) while i did not sew the quilt, i did lay it out and am one step closer. i am hoping to do this over break. we did not set up a christmas tree in the basement, mostly because the biggers didn't want to do the work. it still may go up.

thanks to everyone who has told me they want to help with the auction/spaghetti supper. i have let my friend know and we will be calling you. your generosity is so beautiful.

calling all prayer warriors

2011-12-06T20:35:00.000-08:00

there is so much i want to tell you.

so many exciting things for you to hear.

but right now i cannot tell you. i must keep the secret a little bit longer.

the one thing i need is for you to pray.

"i call on You, my God, for You will answer me; turn Your ear to me and hear my prayer. show me the wonders of Your great love, You who save by Your right hand those who take refuge in You from their foes." psalm 17:6-7
pray that the miracle we are begging for will happen.

"listen to my words, LORD,consider my lament. hear my cry for help, my King and my God,for to You I pray. in the morning, LORD, You hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before You and wait expectantly." psalm 5:1-3

pray that God will work strongly in the hearts of the sna.

"hear my cry, O God;listen to my prayer.from the ends of the earth i call to You,i call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than i. for You have been my refuge,a strong tower against the foe." psalm 61:1-3
pray that in everything God will be glorified, whether we get our way or not.

"may my prayer come before You; turn Your ear to my cry." psalm 88:2
i promise you that if God chooses to do this thing you will be surprised. you will be amazed. because it is more that crazy.

it's huge and extravagant and beyond anything you could ever dream of. well some of you might dream of it...but it's still pretty big.

we've told some close friends and family, but cannot go public until we have a little more information, until we see if this thing is even possible.

one thing i know...that God is more than able to do this thing. He who whispers into the hearts of His children, can easily bring this thing to pass.

after all He recreated His Son, fully of glory into a tiny helpless baby. to be raised by a teen aged mom and a step dad. who ultimately would die on a cross to bridge the gap, to pay the price for our ransom, so that you and i could have eternal life.

in comparison this is nothing.

but for someone else it is everything. the one thing they want more than anything else. the one thing they have prayed for. the one thing they have dreamed of. the one thing they have hoped for.

i beg of you...pray that God will bring this thing to pass.

"LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in Your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief." psalm 143:1

in the chaos of the last week i have begun to do some pretty crazy nesting. i laid out little man's quilt, it is all ready to sew together. maybe i will get to it this weekend. one thing for sure, we will be fixing up our basement this weekend. it's a pit. we've been stuffing stuff down there for a while now and i no longer can stand it.

good thing we are having an auction soon. you heard me right. an auction. my dear friend, b is helping us with this venture. our hope is that we will raise some money to help with the adoption. so i will be cleaning out stuff we no longer want, but someone else might.

the auction is scheduled to be on saturday, january 14 at the armory and will start with a spaghetti supper at 5:30, auction at 6:30 until around 9. we are taking donations. items can be dropped off at the armory that entire week and can be picked up on sunday, january 15.

we are starting to get excited. we have several dressers, a day bed,and some collectibles. my hubby is thinking about selling his football cards. so starting first thing saturday morning (well first thing past my first cup of coffee) i will be digging in the basement. good thing i have two strapping young men that live in our house!

my goal is to completely rearrange the basement and make it more user friendly. it's kind of a chopped up room, but i would like to make it a more pleasant place to spend one's time. if we get it all taken care of, i might even set up another christmas tree down there. right now it's too big of a mess to even think of doing that.

if you are interested in donating some items to the auction or would just like to help, let me know. we would love to have you be a part of our team.

in the meantime, please pray.

"never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. romans 12:11-12

a cheerful heart

2011-12-02T21:15:00.000-08:00

there was a consejo on wednesday,november 30th. we were not matched. that's okay, because no one else was matched with little man either.

{insert happy dance here}

our agency thinks it is most likely that we will be matched at the january meeting. but i wouldn't complain if it happened in december! we turned in our dossier to the sna on november 2, so 2 months would make that around january 2. they like to have around 2 months to look over the dossier...sometimes even longer. our dossier was submitted to the sna on 2/4/10, evaluated on 3/16/10, we submitted revisions on 4/21/10 and our dossier was accepted on 7/8/2010. it was a very long 5 months. hopefully we will not have it take this long again, at least that is what our agency tells us.

we are still waiting to hear if the sna has anything they want us to add or update in our dossier. so far, no word. it will probably happen super close to christmas, making it tricky to get anything done. this is the way these things seem to work.

so until we hear something else...anything else...we wait.

waiting is not my favorite and probably never will be.

truthfully...your kind words have been a balm to my soul. thank you for praying for us, for your texts, your emails, your comments, your facebook messages. thank you for your friendship and encouragement.

the waiting is hard. but not as hard as not having a chance at our little man.

so i will happily wait. well, for right now.

my plans for the weekend are as such:
make and ship etsy orders
finish sewing 2 christmas presents
finish sewing and making 2 birthday presents
wrap christmas presents
make turkey noodle soup and homemade rolls
take a nap
translate part of a file into english
bake something sweet
listen to christmas music
answer 1 billion questions from little bit
make more hair flowers and headbands

i'm not likely to actually take a nap. little bit likes to stand over me while i am sleeping and breathe on me. or whisper in the loudest stage whisper known to man that i am sleeping to anyone who comes in the room. the number of naps i have had since bringing her home has greatly diminished.

so i guess i will just try to continue to keep myself busy.

at least that makes the time go quickly.

right now that's the very best medicine.

"a cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." proverbs 17:22

one year ago

today

just a whisper

2011-11-28T18:17:00.000-08:00

just a whisper of hope.

today through an email from our agency.

i couldn't stand it anymore, so i asked some tough questions.

they are doing a little checking, so i should know more soon.

for today it has to be enough.

they feel that we will be matched to little man. mostly due to the fact that we have met him. i am pretty sure no one else can say that.

you see, the list is just that, a list. nothing more. no photos, nothing distinguishing, very little data. to get more info you have to ask to see the file. often times you are given a short file and have to ask for more.

i was reminded that just because someone looks at the file, does not mean they request the child.

it's true, we looked at 5 different files before we decided to pursue little bit.

i guess i have been letting my fear over the future get the best of me. when what i really need to do is trust the only ONE who is able to help.

"and even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. so don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." matthew 10:30-31

it's good to be reminded.

"the LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” deuteronomy 31:8

these are the things i need to remember.

i think i have checked the mimdes website about 20 times today. no consejo. at least none that has been posted. i don't expect to see us matched this month, i am just hoping to not see someone else matched with him either. so i keep checking. and checking. and checking.

for today it will rest in this.

just a whisper of truth.

“so do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. what I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs." matthew 10:26-27

if you see me would you please remind me of the things i know to be true. that God is in this. that He is the One who brought little man into our lives. that is it His delight to put the orphan in a family. that when God is for me, who can be against me? that prayer is the best way to fight this battle. that all this was His idea in the first place.

would you be nice and just whisper it to me?

"then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,and He brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed." psalm 107:28-29

just a whisper.

the sound of silence

2011-11-27T17:17:00.000-08:00

ok, so maybe only silence in the adoption part of my life.

thank you to everyone who has asked about little man, told me you prayed for us and him this week, or asked to see his picture. i cannot begin to tell you how this has warmed my heart.

i long to talk about him, but there is nothing new to say.

nothing.

we have not heard a peep from our agency in over a week.

we are just actively praying that God will make him ours. that he will be matched to us when the sna is finished looking over our dossier. it has been at the sna for about 1 month now. usually they take about 2 months to go over it. sometimes they ask for supporting documents or for something to be redone. i know this. i also know this will drive me crazy when it happens. seriously what more could they ask for? i am sure they can come up with something!

there has not been a consejo or matching meeting yet in november. i am hoping that there will still be one this month. monday...tuesday...wednesday. there is slim to no chance that we will be matched this month. so don't get your hopes up...that was more to me than to you. just trying to remind myself.

we had a wonderful thanksgiving here in the midwest. the weather was beautiful and "big bird" as our turkey was affectionately know as (all 20.7 lbs) was delicious. we all ate until we were stuffed and required napping. i am pretty sure that several family members had to undo the top button of their pants to be able to breathe. little bit enjoyed the holiday and all of the yummy food. i am sure her favorite part was the same as mine...everyone was home.

i cannot lie, it is my favorite to have all my chicks back in my nest.

friday morning at 5 am, my bigger girls and i joined the crazies for a little black friday shopping. we had a great time, including starbucks and panera and mostly getting done christmas shopping. then home for a nap and a big piece of pie for lunch.

my goal is to be finished shopping (all except stocking stuffers) by next weekend. i would like to be able to relax and enjoy the season a little. do some baking. sing some carols. make gingerbread houses. we shall see if i get there or not.

i added a few newbies to my etsy shop. 3 new necklaces to be exact.

nest pendant, silver with aqua pearls

nest pendant, antique gold with ivory speckled beads

free to fly necklace

if you are local and would like one of the necklaces please message me and we will chat...that way you do not have to pay shipping.

i also have a few bags for sale. they are $25 each (please include $2.50 for shipping) and are available immediately.

exteriors are men's suiting or denim and interiors are calico. all of the flowers are handmade by yours truly, 2 matching fabrics and 1 out of a vintage hankie. all of the bags have 2 large pockets big enough to hold your droid or your iphone. all are completely lined. all help our adoption.

if you want more info or more photos please message me and i will send you an email.

i have been completely blown away by the generosity of others lately. several jewelry orders, one bag, 2 fundraisers in the mix. a friend talked to me and the hubster this morning at church about wanting to do something for us to help us bring our little man home. i have been close to tears most of the day, due to his generosity.

whether or not the fundraisers even happen...well, my heart has been touched.

maybe it's things like that that make the silence bearable. because this wait is hard. much harder than with little bit. most likely because we have wrestled with God over this one. probably because we have been praying for a family for him for close to 14 months now. somewhere along the way we realized that "we" were the "family" we had been praying about for him. am i ready? not really. but i believe in a God that is bigger than my emotions. He is bigger than what i think i can do. He is able to give me what i need to mother this boy, this child, this son.

we talk a lot about him. i think about him constantly. i count him as i count my others. it is strange not buying presents for him this year, not seeing his face at the table, not tucking him in bed tonight. no bedtime story, no butterfly kisses, not tickles and giggles. not yet.

if God is willing, i will call him son.

until then i will pray that it will be so.

because as a friend pointed out recently, the girls are winning in our family and we should make it even again.

will little bit's world be rocked? absolutely. but maybe it will bring healing to her life to. maybe it will cause her to trust us more, to know that although we go back, she can come home.

i know, i know her bangs are too long, mom....don't worry i already cut them.

she was reading to her baby. so sweet.

it's kinda funny. i really thought that since we made a mental decision to adopt little man, i would not be so emotional about it this time. wrong. i cannot get through a worship service without crying. any kind word sets me off too, not that i am encouraging you to be mean. but i am emotional, pregnant style. eighth month pregnant emotional.

maybe silence isn't so bad.

the land of the unknown

2011-11-20T19:41:00.000-08:00

the past week has been hard.

i found out that two italian families have been looking at little man's file. one requested to see his file in september and the other in october.

not exactly what i wanted to hear. not what i wanted to find out.

there is nothing easy about adoption...from the intense paperwork trail, to difficult appointments, to waiting a really long time, to unknowns. the wondering if the child you are requesting will still be there when your dossier is accepted. wondering if the sna will match you to this child.

that is where i am today. in the land of unknown.

there are no givens with adoption, not until the ink is dry on the adoption resolution.

i have been having a hard time taking every thought captive. i have been having a difficult time not worrying about tomorrow. my oldest even tried to remind me. i thanked her for reminding me...did i mean it? not so much.

this morning our worship service was emotional. i had a hard time singing through my tears. beautiful songs with amazing lyrics.

one we sang was this song....

even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
and even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
i won't turn back I know you are near

and i will fear no evil for my God is with me and if my God is with me
whom then shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear?

oh no, You never let go through the calm and through the storm
oh no, You never let go in every high and every low
oh no, You never let go Lord, You never let go of me

and I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
a glorious light beyond all compare
and there will be an end to these troubles but until that day comes
we'll live to know You here on the earth

yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
and there will be an end to these troubles
but until that day comes still I will praise You, still I will praise You

"oh know you never let go" by matt redman

then if that wasn't enough to remind me...we next sang this one.

water, You turned into wine opened the eyes of the blind
there's no one like You none like You

into the darkness, You shine out of the ashes we rise
there's no one like You none like You

our God is greater, our God is stronger God
You are higher than any other
our God is healer, awesome in power, our God, our God

and if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
and if our God is with us, then what could stand against

"our God" by chris tomlin, matt redman, jonas myrin, jesse pryor

this is what i truly want to believe that if God is for us, who can be against us. that we will be unstoppable, that no one would ever stand against us. i want to believe this, Lord please help my unbelief.

if you think of us at all in the next days would you please pray?

pray that we will find favor in the eyes of the secretary of adoption. pray that our dossier will be accepted quickly. pray that we will be matched to little man. pray that anyone else who picks up little man's file will not be interested.

selfish?

yes.

in my mind he is ours already.

i think about him, pray for him, envision him in my family, as my son. i can see him sitting at the table at mealtime. i can see him playing with little bit, rough housing with his big brothers and being chased by his sisters who are trying to kiss him. i can see my hubby teaching him to ride a bike and throw a ball. i see him sitting on my lap snuggling.

this afternoon i went shopping with a friend.

it was more about getting away than really shopping. she is easy to talk to. we know each other's families well. we enjoy being together and so do the kids and guys.

best of all...she really cares. really. cares.

she has walked this path before with her own kiddos, adopted from the ukraine. the worry, the waiting.

another friend mentioned to me that i didn't really seem my chipper self on facebook lately. that some of my posts made her wonder if something was wrong.

i am thankful for friends that truly care. for people that stick their neck out to find out the truth. for friends not afraid to ask the questions and willing to hear my answers. for people walking this path beside me, sometimes holding my hand, sometimes holding me up.

if i haven't told you that i love you...well i do.

thanks for caring.

thanks for walking beside me.

10 on Tuesday via pinterest

2011-11-15T17:42:00.000-08:00

well my youngest sister said some not so nice things about me and pinterest. she eluded to some things. some things that i will not go into here. things that i will not forget, thus she will not be getting any fabulous hand made, pinterest inspired gifts for christmas. i will forgive her however, especially when i am wrapping her gianormous chunk of COAL.

have you tried pinterest?

it is one of the most fabulous time wasters in the whole world.

i have, however, found some cool things to make.

i have also found some cool things to make for dinner, but i have been far too busy crafting to cook. you can talk to my family about that, they will agree with you. fortunately they are not picky eaters and a jar of spaghetti sauce, some pasta, and a salad works fine for them, they are even happier if i thrown in some garlic bread.

some of the things i have made were from tutorials i have pinned. others were pins that inspired me to be creative.

this list of 10 are things i have made.

listen folks, i am trying to keep myself busy here. it helps the time go quicker. besides little bit has been home with the stomach flu for the last two days. yesterday was not so much fun....cleaning up after her was involved. i will spare you the details. you can thank me later. today was much better.

1. cute green embellished tee for little bit

2. green tshirt with stars and corsage for little bit

3. black tshirt with gray flower (i took this flower off of a sweater of mine and reused it) for little bit

4. white tshirt with lacy tuxedo front for little bit (sorry this pic is awful)

5. gray tshirt with colored fabric yo-yos and buttons

sadly enough i sent little bit to school on monday in this adorable shirt, and brought her home 2 hours later. sick. i did not know she wasn't feeling well that morning, she didn't say a word to me about it. not getting "mother of the year" award this year.

6. cute purse (for me)

if you want to make one of these you can find the tutorial here. i added large cellphone and other stuff pockets. it fits right under my arm and is fun and functional. i did not have to sew the lace on the suiting, i purchased the fabric that way.

7. gray sweater with black lace and flowers (for me)

this is my copycat for this cute little girl sweater i saw at target. does that make me pathetic? don't answer that. please! i might change out the buttons to rhinestones to make it fancy for the holidays.

8. pink sweater with ivory lace with repurposed doily (for me)

9. light blue sweater with yo-yos (for me)

10. jazzed up tote bag. (for ???)

i call this my 'life is just a bowl of cherries' bag. you can find the tutorial here.

i plan to make some more of these tote bags. they would make great teacher gifts. they would make great gifts for my middle sister too....maybe my mom....maybe by nieces....well, not my youngest sister (remember the coal). i may make her something too, but don't tell her, let it be a surprise. i guess i'm just nice that way!

what have you been up to?

sometimes

2011-11-14T20:02:00.000-08:00

you have to take a step away to see the picture.

have you ever seen the seurat painting of "a sunday afternoon on the island of la grande jatte"?

george seurat was a french post-impressionist painter, his main studies were in pointillism. his masterpiece is hanging in the metropolitan museum of art in new york city. i saw it in college at the art institute of chicago.

it amazes me. if you stand close to it you cannot see the painting you just see a bunch of colored dots. the farther you get from it the clearer the picture becomes.

maybe you remember it from "ferris bueller's day off".

maybe i have just dated myself!

seriously, i've needed to take a few steps away and take a look. i've needed to remember the big picture.

i've needed to be reminded that although it is hard, adoption is good.

that redeeming the life of a child is no easier for me, than it was for Christ when He redeemed my life.

that i'm not alone. i have friends and family that are walking this path with me. i have a Savior to call upon for help.

i went into the weekend weary. the week had been long and i was exhausted. on saturday, my sweet hubby invited me to go out on a date with him. the guys were willing to babysit as long as we bought them a pizza hut stuffed crust pizza. it was the least we could do.

gleefully we left.

we started the night at pf changs, usually we are cheaper eaters and go out to chipotle or panera or freddy's. but the hubster had a gift card burning a hole in his pocket and i was happy to oblige...i do like lettuce wraps.

i ate until i was pretty sure i would explode.

we went to a few places we enjoy hitting...kohls, tj maxx and target. we really didn't get much. i did start some shopping for christmas. on a very small scale. stocking stuffers. but in my book it counts.

then we came home and vegged in front of the tv for a while.

the important thing is that i was able to find some perspective.

sometimes that's what matters.

especially with other things out of control. the not knowing. the confusion. the unanswered questions. the silence.

in the mean time, i know that you just really want to see some pictures of little bit.

i french braided her hair on saturday, actually it is that long. such a different texture from my coarse curls and my daughters soft waves. her hair is like black satin. it was difficult to do, but she did enjoy having something special done. she was so proud of those braids, they didn't last all day, by 3 they were falling out.

we need to work on hair modeling.

i will close with that little dose of cuteness.

over one year home.

gaining perspective.

"keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways." proverbs 4:24-26

just so you know

2011-11-09T20:26:00.000-08:00

we've spent the week riding the adopting roller coaster.

while it's fairly typical, it's difficult.

so the bad news first....no meeting this week with the sna. apparently the meeting was last week when the dossier was delivered.

the good news is that our attorney did talk to the secretary of adoption about us. we are fortunate that we have friends in peru adopting their little girl right now and she was able to get the inside scoop for us. they were actually with the attorney when she dropped off the dossier, last wednesday. 1 week ago. 1 week into an impossibly long wait. we waited for 5 1/2 months for little bit's dossier to be accepted.

this is what my friend explained to me...the attorney just wanted to make sure that the secretary of adoption was aware of our case and the details. she did not just want to lay our dossier in the secretary's office and leave, where it would be considered "just another file". she told me it was a good thing!

for today that will have to be enough.

no extra meeting.

but thanks anyway for your prayers for our family and this little boy who is desperate for a family, for a home.

that is what the nuns told us 13 months ago. that this little boy prays and begs God for a family every night, often crying himself to sleep.

we are hopeful that our dossier will find favor in the eyes of the secretary of adoption. please pray that she will read it and see the match between us and him and want to match us quickly.

if we were to be matched in december, which is the quickest that i think we would be matched. (although we have been told that there is a chance that it could happen in november) we will not travel for at least 8 weeks after the matching. we traveled about 9 weeks after little bit's matching and that is fairly typical. the absolute quickest we would travel would be about 6 weeks, but that is pretty rare. that puts us in february some time.

but with all that said...who know how long it will really take for the dossier to be accepted. plus often there is more work to do. sometimes we are asked to do something extra or to further explain something. then that is all re-evaluated, once it is translated. which just actually means more time.

i suddenly feel gloomy. i think i am depressing myself. it just must be the waiting purgatory that we have been in for exactly one week. waiting. yuck!

we are busy working on some fundraiser ideas. a dear friend has been busy the last few days working on getting some stuff together to hold an auction. we are pretty sure we have a venue and a date, but need to solidify both of those before i publish.

i hope to let you know this weekend.

just wondering

2011-11-03T19:45:00.000-07:00

no one really knows what the meeting is all about.

or no one is talking.

one in the same? yes, i think so.

it could just be a routine visit. it could be an attempt to speed things up a bit.

but this i do know.

there is a meeting next week at the sna about our dossier and a sweet little boy.

i will not know the date or the time before the meeting.

will you please join us in prayer?

there are reasons why speeding up his referral would be a good idea:
1. he is about to age out of his orphanage, as he will be 8 in march.
2. he has some health concerns that would be good to get some treatment for.
3. he has been waiting a really, really, really long time.

i have been told that our attorney often schedules meetings about different families with the sna. it is curious that it is so soon after submitting our dossier. since the sna was closed on monday and tuesday, it was most likely delivered yesterday. i have been updating our timeline to little man, just to keep a record of the dates.

so for the next week i will wonder.

wonder. wonder. wonder.

this could speed everything up for us. we could travel this winter, instead of spring or summer. that is crazy and something i never even thought was a possibility. good thing that in the winter in kansas it is summer in peru! i am more than ready for a little time at the beach. it was not nearly as much fun going to the beach when you needed to wear a sweatshirt...but now....hmmmmm.....

unfortunately we will not know when. it will just happen. that is the beauty of adoption.

you would think with this being our second time around, i would be used to this.

not so much.

i am not really sure that you can ever be used to this part.

the waiting. the wondering. the surprises, both good and bad.

so until we hear something, please pray.

please pray that the sna and our attorney will have a good meeting. that it will hold promise for our case and little man. that above all God will be glorified with the outcome.

....and that in the next week i will not completely lose my mind.

streams of water

2011-11-02T21:03:00.000-07:00

the dossier is fully translated. submitted. complete.

it is finally there.

we made our goal.

originally we were told it could not be delivered to the sna before little bit's one year post placement report.

we hoped to submit the ppr in october, then the new dossier in november.

it was our goal, but it really happened!

my guess is that it was delivered today, since the sna was closed for all saints days on monday and tuesday.

crazier yet, our attorney has a meeting scheduled for next week to discuss our case with them.

little bit's dossier was at the sna office for nearly 6 months before the sna had a meeting to discuss our case. it is hard to believe that it has only been there for one week! sna could ask for more documentation...of what? i am sure i do not know, but they can always surprise us and come up with something new. we will meet that challenge and do our best to complete it quickly.

i honestly do not know what this means for our adoption. i do not know if they are planning on rushing things through since little man has been waiting so long.....or if this is a new thing they are doing with all dossiers. i am almost a little afraid to get my hopes up.

unbelievable.

i'm not really sure how i am going to fall asleep tonight. too much excitement. too much to think about.

seriously, i am going to need to get started on that quilt right away...or go out and buy one!

i will do my best to find out the date and time of the meeting so that you can help me by praying for the outcome of the meeting. you can pray that it will be a favorable visit. that they can see our desire for little man. that once again an orphan can know what family means.

at each turn we have been told by our agency..."you are so lucky", "things just don't happen like this", "wow, that went so fast".

this reminds me of a verse.

proverbs 21:1-3 "in the LORD’s hand the king’s heart is a stream of water that He channels toward all who please Him. a person may think their own ways are right, but the LORD weighs the heart. to do what is right and just is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice."

not that i think we are doing anything right or even pleasing...but He is. it's not about me or us or even our family. it's about God. it's God who desires to put this little boy in a family. first He asked us to advocate and tell people about this child. then He asked us to pray for this boy to find a family. now He's asked us to make Him ours, so we have obeyed, just like we advocated and prayed. we have done the work. we have filled out the paperwork, met with doctors and psychologists. we've been fingerprinted several times. we've had people write letters. now it's time for us to sit back and watch Him work. if this is the outcome He desires for us, then He will bring it to pass.

He will have to move the waters that He wants moved. oh, believe me, i will be praying, but physically my fight is over. i have completed the task He laid out for me.

now the hard part. time to wait. i am not fond of waiting. i have never been fond of waiting. i probably will not master this one. bleh.

this open ended waiting stinks.

but the good news is that there is a meeting next week with our name on it.

so tonight we are floating on that stream of water flowing out of the King's right hand. He will move it in the way He desires, for His glory, in His timing.

until He stops the flow....we will wait.

trick or treat

2011-10-31T18:46:00.000-07:00

it's funny...all of these american holidays.

little bit had never been trick or treating in her entire life, but she had no problem figuring it out!

we did a little practicing at home before we left.

i am pretty sure she thought i was one crazy white lady.

ok you want me to do what?

knock on a door? say trick or treat? and they will give me candy?

she was skeptical until she had successfully gotten candy.

then she became a trick or treating rock star.

we even put a little make up on before we left. that just may have been her favorite part of getting ready.

thanks to grandma and grandpa she had a super cute princess costume to wear. they gave it to her for her birthday. talk about one happy little girl.

i took lots of pics tonight, more than you really want to look at...

but i will show you a few of the trick or treater in action.

notice how i get daddy in the pictures and not myself?

after we went to all of the houses in the neighborhood, we ended the evening by trick or treating her big brothers.

so sweet as we walked up to the door she said, "that's my house". "that's my home."

home.

such a beautiful word, especially for a child who once was an orphan but now is a princess.

next year? pirates? hmmmmm......

photos

2011-10-25T14:48:00.000-07:00

yesterday i saw new pics of little man.

oh. my. goodness.

what a joy.

it is unusual to get very many pictures. his orphanage does not even own a camera. we tried to buy one for them when we were there a year ago, but they didn't want one. (i will try to remedy this when we head back.) we only ever had 3 pictures of little bit. 2 grainy, black and white photocopies of color pics enlarged and her visa photo. so far we have seen 5 of little man. 5 little blessings for this mama.

our representative was in his region, so she raced over to the orphanage and took some pics. i have four. four wonderful pictures of a sweet boy.

he looks a little confused and maybe a wee bit suspicious. i am sure that he does not know that we are pursuing him. that wouldn't really be fair to him. what if something horrible happened? what if? how cruel would that be? especially to a child that's been waiting a long, long time. when we get the referral for him, then he will be told and the nuns will prepare him. he will be given photos of our family. we will send him a care package with small gift and a photo album of his own, so he can become familiar with our faces.

but the nuns know. they will happily keep the secret while they pour out their hearts to the One who can put the fatherless into a family.

i have a picture of him with one of the nuns his main caregiver and our attorney. it helps with proportion. he's bigger than little bit. quite a bit taller actually.

it is reassuring to see them in the orphanage. a place that i know is safe. a place where i know he is being fed and hugged and encouraged. a place where prayer is important.

i so want to share his sweet face with you. but i cannot. there is too much at stake. to do that would jeopardize the entire adoption. he is too important for that.

however if you live locally, come and visit me...i would love to show him off.

it's funny because he is dressed like a forty year old man. he is wearing a yellow oxford button up and gray pleated trousers complete with dress socks and shoes. in one of the pics it looks like his pants are hiked up to his armpits.

oh, but he is clean. he looks happy. he is wearing clothes that (for the most part) fit him. his clothes are clean.

unfortunately they buzzed his hair off. i do know that hair grows back....i just wish he had hair right now. maybe they won't cut it again before we get there. that is wishful thinking, since little bit had a short boy haircut...freshly cut when we first saw her. i know that they have to control lice, which is probably the reason they keep hair cut so short.

the funniest thing of all is these two kiddos have such similar eyebrows. crazy, bushy, wild monkey eyebrows, which is why little bit will always wear bangs, well, at least until she is old enough to have her eyebrows waxed. if you are a "what not to wear" watcher you may recall an old episode where carmidy exclaimed, "holy hairy monkeys of fire", when she saw a woman's bushy eyebrows. i do truly believe she would say it again if only she saw these. they are spectacular.

last night at supper little bit wanted to pray after daddy had already prayed for the meal.

this is what she said.

"dear Jesus, thank you for the pictures of little man. we want to go to peru. amen."

i think that just pretty much sums it up.

such sweet words from the heart of a child.

yes, Lord Jesus, please make it happen.

soon.

lucky

2011-10-20T19:39:00.000-07:00

LUCKY!

that's how the email started from our agency.

apparently there is a family in country right now and they are in chiclayo adopting a sibling group. while they have been there our representative snuck away to little man's orphanage.

just so you don't think that is an easy feat....

chiclayo is a several hour flight from lima or about a 10 hour bus ride. it takes another 1/2 hour or so to get to the orphanage by taxi.

this is not convenient.

i cannot begin to express my gratitude for her going to check up on him for us.

we have been told that little man is doing very well, and the nuns are happy with his development. they are also very excited that we want to adopt him.

then they gave me the email addresses for two of the nuns.

wait...the best part is still coming.

she took some pictures of little man that she will send on to us.

some countries take lots of pictures and send them on to the waiting families. it is not common in peru to get pictures. in all of our waiting we only saw 3 pics of little bit. so this is a huge gift.

right now our dossier is being translated and all of our documents are in peru. so it's just a matter of time until the documents are translated and submitted to the sna. i would imagine it takes a couple of weeks to be fully translated. so probably by the end of october or the early part of november. we are about a month ahead of schedule. i really didn't think we would get everything done so quickly.

i am updating my timeline to little man as i get more things checked off the list. so you can take a peek at it here.

unfortunately i will not be able to share the pictures here. but if you are local i am more that happy to let you see the ones i will be carrying around everywhere with me.

the funny thing is i'm not really a "lucky" person. i am not one of those people who wins stuff, or guesses the right number and please don't chose he to be your partner at cards...unless you like to lose.

this i know...God is sovereign.

what does this mean?

that is is the absolute right of God to do all things according to his own good pleasure.

while i may not be lucky, God is sovereign and i can trust Him to do His best in my life. i do not need to worry. i can have peace.

and i do.

"the Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. they will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." isaiah 61:1-3

one year

2011-10-19T14:34:00.000-07:00

that's right.

one year ago today the adoption resolution was signed in the attorney's office at the sna. that was also the day after my sweet hubby and teen age sons flew back home to kansas. apparently he was supposed to be at this appointment, but no one told us this....well, that is until it was too late. fortunately i had a power of attorney. peru has to get one to fly out of the country with your newly adopted child, well, if you are flying alone. some peruvian law states that only one parent cannot fly out or i suppose drive out of the country without a power of attorney from the other parent. with that said, i was able to sign the papers for the two of us and hubby just had to sign some and send them back. whew.

it was awkward for a minute or two until the attorney decided what she was going to do. we should have actually signed the papers while we were in chiclayo at the sna office there, but they did not have us do it. our representative did not think it was strange since the rules of play seem to change often.

this next time we will make sure he is available to sign those papers. end of story.

so today, one year ago, she officially became ours.

our youngest daughter.

the baby of the family.

funny how long ago that seems now.

she has grown and changed so much in the last year. while she came to us as a 6 year old, emotionally and physically she was more like a 2 year old. now she is 6 most days, 5 some others, but mostly tries to be 7...her actual age.

(this picture actually cracks her up...that i asked her to kiss her pony.)

this is what she had to say about life:

tell me one thing you really like to do....i like to play in the swimming pool, it's fun

what makes you sad?...when big sister was sick.

what makes you happy?....to think about going to peru.

who is your best friend?...micah from school....he also is from church...also i like ruth.

what is your favorite color?....yellow.

what is something you like to do?...play doctor and give my monkey shots.

where do you like to go?....to go to church.

what is your favorite toy?....ponies.

what do you like to play outside?....swing, it is fun.

what is your favorite food to eat?.....corn, hot dogs, chocolate (yes she is my girl, well with the chocolate part!).

what is your favorite drink?....strawberry capri sun.

what do you like to do school?....i obey and go to recess.

what do you like to do at church?....help people and to sing.

what is your favorite instrument?.....piano.

what is your favorite song?.....your grace is enough.

what is your favorite book?......brown bear, brown bear.

what does daddy like to do?......he likes to read with me, takes me to school, he likes to watch movies, he is silly and tickles me, he is a mess.

what does mommy like to do?.....plays guitar, color, you help me with my book bag, you like to be a friend, eat ice cream with chocolate.

where were you born?.....in peru, i was a tiny baby.

what makes you laugh?....funny animals.

what do you know about little man?......who is he?....he is a boy. we are going to get him from peru. he is fun. we are going to play with the train. he soft bed (in his new room).

is there anything else you would like to say?....i like to play outside with my big brothers and play with sticks.

so there you have it.

one year home.

my heart hurts

2011-10-16T19:07:00.000-07:00

my heart is breaking tonight for a family in crisis.

i cannot share the details with you.

these dear friends of mine have adopted two beautiful girls from peru.

they have been home for about 7 months now.

the younger one is attaching, bonding, growing.

the older one is not.

plain and simple.

i beg you to pray for them.

pray that God will change this young girl. that she would desire family. that she would chose hope. that her heart would find home with this beautiful couple.

they went into this knowing that older kids may never really bond. they went into this with open eyes and guarded hearts. not that they were not willing to love these girls with abandon, but knowing that it may never be reciprocated.

please pray.

there is some scary stuff going on, stuff that you wouldn't even believe.

my prayer is that their faith will be strengthened. that they will be able to see the hand of God in their journey. that the hardened crust on this child's heart will be shattered and she will be able to give and receive love. that this young girl will see the hope she has for her future. that the pain she is causing will not effect her little sister. that local friends and family will be able to reach out and offer respite for this couple.

adoption is hard.

the act of knitting a child to your heart hurts.

what comes naturally with a child you carried in your womb does not magically happen when you sign the adoption resolution in the attorney's office in a cramped office building. it takes time and patience and more time and even more patience. add to that a child who does not want to be parented. a child who does everything in their power to repel your love.

well it's hard.

really hard.

so please pray.

only God can fix this.

"now this I know: the LORD gives victory to his anointed. He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary with the victorious power of his right hand. some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. they are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm." psalm 20:6-8

timeline to little man and little lady

2011-10-07T16:33:00.000-07:00

timeline to little man and little lady:

initial application sent to villa hope 3/28/11
home study application sent into adoption & beyond 3/30/11
acceptance/informational meeting with villa hope 4/20/11
home study sent to adoption & beyond 4/27/11
formal application sent to villa hope 5/2/11
home study completed 5/31/11
uscis i-800a in the mail 6/6/11
uscis fingerprints appointment 6/30/11
uscis approval 7/6/11
dossier sent to villa hope 8/25/11, 9/23/11, 10/6/11
dossier appostilled 10/17/11
dossier sent to peru 10/17/11
dossier arrived in peru 10/7/11, 10/19/11
dossier translated 10/29/11
dossier legalized 11/1/11
dossier submitted to sna 11/2/11
request for little man 11/2/11
dossier revision request by sna 11/28/11
request for little lady 12/5/11
request for little man and little lady 12/9/11
dossier evaluated by sna 12/8/11
additional revision request by sna 12/9/11
first revision apostilled and sent to villa hope 1/3/12
second revision apostilled and sent to villa hope 1/25/12
first and second revision sent to peru 1/26/12
first and second revision at sna 2/3/12
dossier accepted by sna
homestudy addendum
uscis approval completed
matched
letter of acceptance sent to peru
uscis approval
article 5 letter
travel to peru
gotcha day little lady
gotcha day little man
adoption day little lady
adoption day little man
day of silence little lady
day of silence little man
new birth certificate little lady
new birth certificate little man
home

and so it begins (again)

2011-10-06T20:21:00.000-07:00

officially all of the dossier has been turned in to the agency as of 4 pm today. my sweet hubby emailed the final documents earlier today and then i overnighted the hard copies this afternoon.

such a relief.

we also heard that little bit's second post placement was turned in to the sna sometime today.

another huge relief.

we should have the letter from the sna soon. then that will be sent on to our agency and then on to peru. it's hard to believe it has been one year. amazing really that yesterday was little bit's one year gotcha and today her one year post placement was turned in. my hope is that the sna will look upon that favorably.

we have spent the last 4 days running around like crazy hunting and gathering documents. copying and notarizing and emailing and sending.

now the really hard part starts.

the waiting.

i am not fond of waiting.

however, i can honestly say that i have a tremendous amount of peace. i know where little man is sleeping tonight and who tucked him into bed. i know that tomorrow morning he will eat until he is full and then be scooted off to school. i know that he will leave clean and wearing clean clothes. i know that he will come back from school to people that will ask about his day and help him with his homework. i know that he will eat a filling dinner, he will be given the medicine he needs, he will get to run and play. i know that someone will pray with him. i know that he will be shown love.

i know these things because i have met the women that run his orphanage. he is loved. i also know that they will happily relinquish him to us, knowing that a family is the very best thing for him. it is the thing he asks about, prays for, begs for every day.

when we met him one year ago. wow. i need to say that again....when we met him one year ago, we were asked to adovcate for a little boy that had been waiting for a very long time. a little boy with some special needs, needs that have scared others away. these needs may have scared me away too, if i had not met him. if i had not seen him as someone's son, instead of a number on a list. instead of a special need. instead of a number on a list.

my hubby and i promised the nuns that we would look for a family for him. honestly my hubby wanted to take him with us...but it doesn't really work that way. so we came home and told everyone we knew about him. at some point we realized that it was us. we were the ones that were to call him son. God has been busy clearing the way. He has been showing Himself in tangible ways to us. for us. with us.

apparently we were supposed to get a pay increase a while back that we were never given. it is coming to us this month in one lump sum. it is the exact amount that we need for our next payment to villa hope. exactly.

friends have come alongside us; buying jewelry, handing us cash, putting on concerts for us.

to say that we have been blessed would be a huge understatement.

at times i have wondered if this is really the plan for our life. if i am hearing correctly. then something crazy happens. i am reminded that i'm not really driving, i'm just along for the ride. i can sit in the back seat and pout and complain that i don't know where we are going. or i can roll down the window, let the wind blow through my hair and enjoy the ride.

so while i don't love waiting, i am at peace.

it's hard to say just how long the process of bringing home our little man will be. it could be quick (well quick for peru) or it could take a long time. quick could be march...long could be LONG. my guess is around may. i guess only time will tell.

so tomorrow marks the first day of the "wait".

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you." isaiah 26:3

gotcha..one year

2011-10-05T18:14:00.000-07:00

gotcha.

one year ago today.

so hard to believe.

one year.

if you want to read about our 1st gotcha day click here.

funny picture of a little girl and her daddy listening to her brother's band play.

just a little bit different from this little girl one year ago today. the little one that didn't really want anything to do with us. the little one that was scared. the little one that really didn't know what "family" meant.

this picture was taken after we had chased her around and through a park and into a busy street, snatching her up at just the right time. i am holding her arm to keep her from hitting me in the face. she was not a fan of us. not a fan at all.

we did grow on her and it didn't take very long.

the next day she was waiting for us and eager to leave with us. just a few days later she was crying when we went back to sign the final papers to put her in our care. she thought we were taking her back and she was heartbroken.

now she is happy and very much connected to us. she knows she is our little girl, that she is part of the family. she has a hope and a future.

she will soon have another brother.

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." john 14:18

two things

2011-10-03T19:59:00.000-07:00

two things done today.

1. college diplomas came in the mail.
2. drove to the big city after work to pick up the finished psychologist report.

hoping for two more tomorrow.

1. psychiatrist visit (hopefully we will leave with the letter to the SNA)
2. little bit's 2nd post placement report letter from the SNA, or at least an update to where we are in the waiting.

we are also waiting to hear some news about little man. i was told that our representative in peru has talked to the nuns at the orphanage. so i would love to hear a little update. too bad he's not closer to lima or she could take a new picture of him for us. the one we have is pretty cute, but a couple of years old. it would just be nice to see his sweet little face again.

the to do list for tomorrow:

1. copy the new documents.
2. notarize the copies of the college diplomas.
3. email the documents to the agency.

once we have all of the originals we will send those to the agency too, even though they have the scanned copies. so many things to do. so many hoops to jump through. it's just part of the fun.

once everything is emailed to our agency they will send it all on to our rep in peru. then the daunting task of translation takes place. i was told it would take around 2 weeks. our hope is to have it delivered as soon as possible. we are aiming for november, but that all depends how long these last two documents take to arrive. not much we can do to speed things up. that's the part that i do not love. waiting when there is nothing i can do. nothing i can work on. i guess i will have to start the quilt for little man's bed.

"one thing God has spoken, two things i have heard:
"power belongs to You, God, and with You, Lord, is unfailing love”;
and, “You reward everyone according to what they have done.”
psalm 62:11-12

so i will trust these two things today. i will trust in God's power and unfailing love, knowing that what little i give back i will be rewarded for.

today that is enough.

just two little things.

check it out

2011-10-02T19:12:00.000-07:00

i've been busy....very busy.

lately i've needed something to do, since the paperwork trail is almost finished.

we have one last appointment...with the psychiatrist.

i have one document to pick up

we are waiting for our diplomas to show up in the mail.

then that's it, so there's just not a lot for me to do.

i guess i could clean or cook or something, but what fun is that/

so i have been crafting.

just a little bit busy crafting.

head on over to my etsy shop and take a peak for yourself.

you just might find something you would like.

if you are local and find a little something for yourself or someone else you love, let me know. no sense in paying shipping if i can bring it to church or school with me! :)

happy shopping.

almost done

2011-09-27T19:18:00.000-07:00

today i sent off the second installment of the dossier.

one more to go.

then a gianormous check.

gulp.

(brief interruption for a picture of little bit and puzzle love)

this is a run down of what is required for our dossier:
letter of request to sna
passport copies
1-797, notice of action approval notice
birth certificates
marriage license
police background check (anyone over 18)
fbi clearances
kbi clearances
verification of residence
physical exams (complete with blood work and chest xrays)
employer letters
psychological report
letter from psychiatrist
home study
post placement agreement
affidavit of terms
child support affidavit
copy of proof of profession (college diploma)
name affidavit
deed to the home
photographs (around 25 all cutely scrapbooked)
child special characteristics
driver's license
peru birth certificate (little bit)
post placement #1 sna letter with seal
post placement #2 sna letter with seal

are you tired yet?

we are down to the last 4 things:
psychologist report
psychiatrist letter (coming up on tuesday)
college diplomas to arrive in mail (we lost ours)
post placement #2 sna letter

the report is already written, but we are waiting for a quick little change of the amount of years that the hubster and i have been married. two years does make a bit of difference and we don't want the sna to think that....well our oldest is 21. just wanting it all to make sense when it gets to peru. since our psychiatrist visit is tuesday we are hoping that the doctor will let us leave with the letter in our hands. hopefully.

do not ask how someone looses their college diploma. the hubby actually made fun of me for loosing mine, then had to eat his words as i had to order his the next day. we have moved 10 times in our 22 years of marriage. granted he was a marine and so we had all of those military moves, but still...10 times. the diplomas are lost, not even going to try to find them.

i actually called our university last monday, a whole week ago plus and asked when we might expect them. i was told that they would be finished right away and sent out. nope, not yet. not as of today. maybe since i posted this and the hubby is calling tomorrow they will come. maybe.

my hope is that on october 5 i will be able to mail off the rest of our documents to our agency. it's a special day...little bit's gotcha day. hard to believe all that has happened in the last year. funny that i will send off little man's dossier and request almost one year after meeting him. coincidence? nope, i do not think so, more like the hand of God at work.

as for the last document...the sna letter. we are waiting for the post placement #2 report. we will not have it until the report is finished being translated and then delivered to the sna. once that happens our friend M will send it to lifeline who will send it to us. they we will send it on to villa hope, our agency.

i dream a lot about peru. fun places i want to revisit. i look forward to going to cafe de la paz with our friend mary. dinner with new friends who are missionaries in peru. our old representative,marisa, just visiting and catching up and letting her chat with little bit. i am sure we will see the sights, but i am looking forward to seeing the fountains at night. i can hardly wait to visit the indian markets and the town center of miraflores. eat churros. drink chicho morado. eat freshly caught fish, pineapple, avocados...yum.

(picture break with mary and little bit our last day in miraflores)

it's so good to know that little man is being so well taken care of. we saw a picture of him, and we knew just exactly where he was standing in the orphanage. so good to know that i am not in control, that God is. so good.

i honestly have no idea how long it will take to bring our little man home. we are hoping that the dossier will be translated and delivered to the sna in november. actually it cannot get there before the last post placement, so november is the earliest it can show up. i mean, i guess it could all happen in october, but i guess it would surprise me.

so this is my guesstamite of a time line:
dossier delivered - mid november
dossier evaluated -(2 to 6 months) let's say february
request accepted - end of march
uscis approval and travel - may

realizing that if it takes longer for the dossier to be evaluated it will all take longer. so really we have no idea, but we will keep you posted along the way.

i am working on an actual timeline...maybe i will have it done sometime. soon. hopefully

“keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. keep on seeking, and you will find. keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. for everyone who asks, receives. everyone who seeks, finds. and to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." matthew 7:7-8

seben

2011-09-20T18:17:00.000-07:00

that's how old she is today. seben.

i mean seven.

last year we were trying so hard to get to peru in time for little bit's birthday. we didn't make it, but we did get to talk to her.

it was one of the most beautiful things ever. it was the first time we heard her little voice. first she asked for papa, then for mama, then for her hermanas, then for her hermanos. then for all of her siblings by name. the nuns answered some questions for us. they chatted with our friend who was happy to translate for us. the before we hung up i told little bit that we loved her. she told us "i love you" back. i was holding it together pretty well....until i looked at my hubby. he was weeping, unashamedly weeping. i completely lost it, as did our friend. so sweet, so beautiful. what a wonderful memory.

the day started with little bit telling anyone that would listen:

it is my birfday.
i is seben.
i having cookies and juices at my kool.
i is a big girl.
i wear my birfday shirt dat mommy gave me.

on and on and on.

she did get to pass out treats at school and as far as we know that went fine. we only usually hear if things are not going well. no news at all lately....i will be content in that!

after school i baked some cupcakes. then she opened her present from mimi and papa. an american girl doll. josephina. she loves that doll so much. she was being so careful with her. you can see her excitement in the huge, cheesy grin.

after dinner i decorated the cupcakes. i made butterflies by adding orange slices, twizzlers and m&ms.

she was excited.

we had to wait for big sister to get home so we could light the candles.

good thing she had the chance to practice blowing out candles a few weeks ago at her grandparent's house. she is a pro. just look at those cheeks.

then we opened presents. she really likes to open presents! a lot!

she was so fast it was hard to get a good shot of her.

all in all she had a great day.

happy birthday, little bit!

we love you!

random monday thoughts

2011-09-19T19:04:00.000-07:00

it's been a little bit crazy around here.

not that it's anything new...

oldest daughter decided that she wanted to celebrate her birthday yesterday. she was kind and gave me a 2 day warning. her actual birthday is on friday. she will be 21. i am not possibly old enough to have a 21 year old daughter. this is not possible. i am caught in someone else's reality. that is the only plausible answer.

regardless she wanted steak and tollhouse pie. it was delicious. and fun. her siblings all bought her presents. we gave her a printer for her computer. not very exciting, but she needed one.

so that's what we did.

it was fun getting to hang out with her for the day. i know little bit always enjoys spending time with her biggest sister. they have a special and crazy bond. they sneak snacks together and color and play play dough. she invents games and has tickle wars and chases through the house screaming. it is always loud when biggest sis is home...but always fun!

tomorrow is little bit's birthday. i'm not really sure how the day will go. we have never celebrated her birthday. she's not quite been with us for a year. last year we were hoping to be to peru by her birthday, but missed it by about 10 days. i know birthdays were celebrated in her orphanage. most likely they celebrated all of the kids on the same day, to make their life less complicated.

she knows tomorrow is the big day. she's been talking about it. fortunately she still fits into the "birthday girl" shirt that i bought for her last year. last year when i was hopeful to be to peru in september. it probably only fits because i have not washed it yet. but as long as it fits, both she and i will be happy.

i will do my best to take oodles of photos tomorrow.

we will order some chicken, make cupcakes. we have presents and candles all ready to go. we bought the snacks for school and the hubby will take those in the morning. we are as ready as we can be for the festivities.

on another note, big brother got the drums he ordered today. he called me after school, screaming on the phone. i seriously thought they had been in a car accident, i couldn't even understand what he was saying. they he slowed down and i realized he was telling me he got his drums.

apparently he was pretty excited.

enough to scare me to death.

now for an intense close up of little bit.

this is what she typically does when my camera comes out.

we are closer to requesting little man.

we have received the first 2 pages of his file, 1 photo and a medical update. we are sending those on to our doctor tomorrow for him to take a peek at. nothing will change our minds, we just want him to give us his opinion. this boy does have some medical obstacles and we just really want to know what we are dealing with.

we now have big sister's birth certificate and mine came in the mail today. 5 of us have had our medical evaluations, complete with blood work and xrays. the hubster goes tomorrow for his fun at the doctor's office. we are still waiting for the psychologist's final report and then will have a visit with a psychiatrist.

i still need to write our letter of request for little man. i am hoping to finish that tomorrow.

tomorrow i will call our college and see if they have sent our diplomas yet. that's about it. i will soon be sending off some more documents, then will have one last group of documents to send off.

our goal is to have the dossier to the sna by november.

i think it is doable.

please pass the crow

2011-09-13T20:05:00.000-07:00

last night i was whining about whether or not we would be able to see the file of little man to request him by name.

our agency came through for us.

we have the first three pages of the file.

it is enough to write the letter of request.

permission was granted by the powers-that-be in peru to allow us to see the first part of the file. since our dossier has not even been submitted yet, this is very much out of the ordinary. i am to believe that they know about us now, know about our desire for this boy. now our agency is trying to find out if the nuns at the orphanage know we are requesting him. oh to be a fly on the wall when they hear the news.

not only that...but...

I HAVE A PICTURE!

oh. my. goodness.

he is so cute.

it's kinda like seeing the baby you are carrying on ultrasound for the first time.

you want to show everyone.

(if you are local and want to stop me and ooh and ahh over the sweet little man, please do...i would love to share a sneak peek with you.) sorry no posting until he is ours. you will just have to wait a little while longer.

i will try to describe him, just to give you and idea of how cute he is. ok, he has black short hair. actually he has the same haircut that little bit had, it's just a lot cuter on him. he has large, dark brown eyes. his skin is about the same shade as little bit's, a light tan color. he has the usual 2 arm, 2 legs, 2 ears, 1 mouth. got a good visual picture?

it is amazing how even more determined we are to make him ours. to give him our name. to make him our son.

the file came to us in spanish. so i spent part of today working out the translation. i had a little help from; my co-workers and my good friend google. part translation, part google search. it worked, but it took a long time. when i showed it to our agency they thought it was well done. i guess i nailed it!

i am thankful it is finished.

on another note, our psychologist will finish writing up the report tomorrow after a phone call in the morning. i am hopeful to have it this week, so we can set up our psychiatrist meeting.

tomorrow the boys and little bit have their doctor appointments, complete with lab work. i go tomorrow, older daughter goes on friday, then the hubster finishes up on the 20th. that is a full week of dr appointments for our family.

we are so close to being finished.

now if those birth certificates and college diplomas would just show up in the mail...

until then, i will enjoy eating my crow.

sandwich anyone?

remembering

2011-09-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

re·mem·ber [ri-mem-ber]

1. to recall to the mind by an act or effort of memory; think of again

2. to retain in the memory; keep in mind; remain aware of

3. to have (something) come into the mind again

4. to bear (a person) in mind as deserving a gift, reward, or fee

5. to give a tip, donation, or gift to

it's what i've been doing. thinking. lots and lots of thinking.

it's been one month since my daughter was bit by the spider and our whole world turned upside down. it was actually one month on saturday, but i could not post that day my emotion was too raw.

she's doing so much better. she is back in school full time, hanging out with friends. she will start back to work next week. i think she's ready. she's come so far. her wound is healing, her voice is slowly coming back. she has no residual swelling, no more infection. she has energy and is able to eat, to drive, to be independent.

this could have all turned out differently. honestly, at times i am overcome with joy that she is even alive. we could have buried here. i look at her and tear up. i wonder if she gets tired of hearing how much she is loved, how thankful i am for her life. too bad for her, she's just gonna have to hear it.

she has had a serious dose of her own mortality. never an easy thing to face. especially at age 18.

my thoughts have also gone to 9/11.

i remember wondering where my dad was that day. he travels internationally with his job. it took me a while to get a hold of him. i was so relieved when i finally heard his voice, that i broke down weeping. i just wanted to know that he was alive. so many people did not have that luxury. it is something i will not take for granted. ever. my dad is an amazing man. he is an excellant father, papa, husband, brother, son. he takes life seriously, but still knows how to have fun. he is a student of the bible. he is a woodworker. he loves to help, to roll up his sleeves, to get dirty. he is strong. he is sensitive. he's my daddy.

my thoughts have also been in peru.

wondering about a little boy.

i am thankful that we are on this journey, even though it's really, really hard at times. it's hard to take a child you have only met or read about in a file and make them yours. there is so much about them that you simply do not understand. cannot understand. so much to learn. about each other, about how to be a family.

so here we find ourselves again, working on psych evaluations and medical appointments. we only have a few things to finish up on our dossier. we are still on track for getting it all to our agency in october. our hope is to turn it into peru in november. we did finish up little bit's 2nd post placement. it is due in october and i hope it will make it there in time. our agency has everything they need, now it just needs to be translated.

these are the things we are waiting for:
duplicate college diplomas
my birth certificate
one child birth certificate

these are the things we still have to do:
children talk to psychologist
get completed psychologist report
hubby and i talk to psychiatrist
get completed psychiatrist letter
do medical evaluations for all 6 of us including all lab work
write letter of request for little man

i will send some more of the completed paperwork to our agency as soon as we get the other 2 birth certificates and diplomas. hopefully our psychologist and psychiatrist reports will be completed and we can send those off as well.

the last things i will send are our medicals and request letter.

the request letter.

now that is a whole story in and of itself.

to write a letter of request we need to be able to read the file of this sweet little boy. however our agency does not want us to read the file. they have it, they told me this in may. but they do not want us to see it yet. i am still not sure how to write a request for him when i cannot see the file. unless something changes i will have to write two seperate letters. one letter that is general and then another later.

it is frustrating mostly because we were told differently in the beginning. it feels like we are moving backwards instead of forward on this one. i was hoping to hear from the agency today. they were going to have our representative in peru go to the sna and ask what we are to do. i have not heard anything. nothing. nada.

maybe tomorrow.

in the meantime i will remember the good things. i will remember the healing. i will remember the restoration. i will remember that there is a little boy waiting for a family to love him.

i will remember.

while we wait

2011-09-06T20:32:00.000-07:00

we are waiting.

this doesn't mean that we are not busy....but we're still waiting.

we have doctor appointments and police station visits and psychologist meetings. we have pictures to take and print and make into a scrapbook.

my hope and prayer is to have it done this month and sent to our agency the beginning of october.

then we begin some really serious waiting.

we have friends that are waiting too.

2 families we know are waiting for travel approval. 1 is hoping to be matched to a little girl they have requested. another is about where we are, trying to finish up their dossier.

i heard sweet words today. "we got the september 2 priority list and little man is still waiting on you." oh, sweet words. well, sweet little man we are doing our best to come and bring you home.

there is peace for me in knowing where he is tonight. peace that i did not have with little bit. i know the women that are caring for him. i know that he had a full tummy, was bathed, someone helped him with his school work, he has warm clothes. these things i know, because we met these women, we saw their care first hand. i know that they pray for the children in their care. i know they truly love these children.

i've spent a lot of time just thinking lately. thinking about our next trip to peru. thinking how this wasn't in the plan. that i thought we would bring home our girl and be done. funny how the plans are not really mine to make. they never belonged to me in the first place. they were His all along. because of that i have peace. i don't have to worry. i do what He asks and obey and He will bring His plans to fruition.

the last couple weeks have been hard emotionally. they have left me feeling drained. empty. i am about a nano-second away from tears at any given moment. watching the life of your daughter slip through your hands like sand at the sea shore....and then watch God weave her life back together...not for the faint of heart. so many things really don't matter to me anymore. it's gonna be awhile before i feel "normal" again.

my older is doing great. she is on her second week of classes. playing her violin again. her sore is healing...well. she has changed. she sees life differently now, is able to focus on what is really important to her. she sees the hand of God in her life, molding her, encouraging her, loving her. that God's plan all along was for her growth, her strength, her good.

we went to see my younger sister, the writer and her family this weekend. it was all about a chance for me to get away and refresh. so she took me antique shopping. what a fun time we had of sweet sister fellowship. talking and laughing and reminiscing. memories of childhood. funny stories. talking about where we have come from and where we are going. tears. oh we did other things with the weekend, but that will be on another post when she sends me some photos her pastor hubby took. maybe tomorrow.

the pics tonight are of little man's room. it is mostly finished. i have a quilt to make this winter. i thought that would be a good nesting activity. the squares are all cut, i have the batting and a sheet to finish the back with. so,now i just need the cool nights to encourage me to finish it.

we bought the headboard and night stand off of craig's list. they were hunter green. now they are black. the desk and chair were from garage sales.

i added a few pictures of our travels to peru. something to make him feel at home. the top on is from looking out of the window in our apartment. i love the multi-colored buildings. the bottom one is a bronze sculpture.

the curtains are navy and tan homespun . the rods and rings were in big sis's room and she didn't need them in her new digs, so we just left them. it is pretty easy make curtains that are just a giant rectangle. we even reused the sheers that were already up in the room.

this cute little piece is a double hand me down. first from my parents to my sis and then on to us. the top is a book shelf and the bottom in dresser drawers. the tractor and fire truck belonged to my hubby as a boy. we added a picture of our family. i hope to send that same picture to him when we are matched.

these photos are on the other side of his bed. the first is from an ancient church. they have beautiful courtyards inside for reflection. the bottom are boats out for a sunday afternoon float on the pacific ocean.
you are welcome to come and see the room for yourself if you are local or need a spot for an over night visit. we would love to have you.

actually i need to be busy right now. i need to fill the time, to help make time fly.

and then another part of me just wants to sit and think.

but with 5 kiddos and another on the way, there is not a lot of time for that. so i will leave you with another pic.

little bit playing with the doll house. one of her favorite activities. it's fun to hear her play. she uses different voices for the people. her kids have very squeaky voices. sometimes it is hard not to giggle when she is playing.

but oh, so sweet.

the sound of children playing.

it won't be long, really and she will have someone to play with!

the long awaited update

2011-08-29T19:47:00.000-07:00

so after talking to my mom yesterday it was brought to my attention that i have been lax in updating my blog. so mom this is basically for you...just other people get to read it too.

we have had a pretty good week here in the heartland.

it's still blazingly hot outside. grass should not crunch when you walk on it, as ours does, but hopefully some cooler weather will fix that problem.

we've had friends bringing meals as we have been working hard to put our lives back together.

i am so thankful that we are on this side of this horrible experience. there are times that i just start crying when i think about everything God has brought us through. when i think about the could haves.

we are in the processing stage. you know the time where you think about everything and try to understand it all. try to wrap your mind around it.

my girl is doing so much better. she had a few minor setbacks this last week, but is better, so much better. today she was well enough to head to school. last week she was able to switch a class to online and drop another. she was able to talk to her teachers, they have been so understanding. while she was tired when she came home, she was able to complete her day and still had energy to eat dinner and play her violin and chat with big sis.

i have all of my chicks in my nest tonight and i am one happy mama. oh, how i love having them all here, all around my table. i love the laughter, the chasing, the mock fighting. i love it that my oldest two girls are the best of friends, but they always include their little sister. i love it that they tease their brothers and laugh at inside jokes and send running messages on facebook to each other.

this last weekend the sickie and i went and did a little shopping in the big city. while looking at jewelry in forever 21 we stopped and looked at each other. i grabbed her in a fierce hug, right in the middle of the store and told her that this whole thing could have ended so differently. so much worse. we both cried. the whole world could have looked on, but i really don't care. God restored my daughter to me and i would shout that from the top of a mountain. well, a mountain would have to appear in kansas for that to happen...but you get the idea.

"they will come and shout for joy on the heights of Zion; they will rejoice in the bounty of the LORD -the grain, the new wine and the olive oil,the young of the flocks and herds. they will be like a well-watered garden,and they will sorrow no more. then young women will dance and be glad,young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow." jeremiah 31:12-13

we've had some other excitement here as well.

last night for the first time ever, little bit prayed at supper. for the first time. it went something like this...

"dear Jesus, thank you for the food. amen"

i know it may not sound like much...but it was the first time. oh, how the Savior must have been pleased to hear that little voice call out to Him in prayer. too many people around the dinner table tonight for a repeat performance, but maybe tomorrow night.

we sent off the first part of our dossier and it was received today. then i went out to the mailbox after getting home tonight and there were 4 of the 6 birth certificates we ordered and our marriage license. tomorrow the hubby will make some copies and we will put them in a pile to send to the agency. in a week we have our psych evaluation. not my favorite thing to do, but so worth it to bring little man home.

if you are looking for something to add to your prayer list, would you please pray for my friend, calley? she and her hubby are working hard to bring home a little one from peru. the sna has asked for an additional document. the consejo (matching meeting) in on wednesday and it will take a miracle for their match to happen. fortunately i believe in a God who works in miracles and would love to see nothing less than this sweet family get matched with this little girl. calley has a blog and you can look at her walk of faith here.

i will end with a few photos of our crazy life.

shhhhh the baby is sleeping.

a quick trip to visit my sis and the kidlets and to pick up some furniture for little man's room.

a time of refreshing and healing at camp.

leading worship with my amazing kids at our benefit concert

and last but not least....

potato head mustache up the nose.

so thanks for your prayers and meals and friendship.

and yes, mom, i will attempt to do a better job keeping you updated! {insert smirk here}

not my plans

2011-08-22T19:35:00.000-07:00

today we are in such a better place than a week ago.

my sweet girl is home.

those are some of my favorite words to type.

she came home early saturday afternoon, after spending about 48 hours in a rehabilitation wing of our local hospital. she was ready, more than ready to try it on her own.

while she still tires easily, she is on the mend. she still takes naps and is working hard to regain her strength, it is so wonderful to have her sitting across from me at the table during dinner.

she's had to make some tough decisions this week. tough decisions about school. she was supposed to start college classes today. she did not start today, but she did talk to her teachers and make some arrangements. tomorrow afternoon we will go and chat with her advisor and see what she has to say. i am thankful that her teachers are being understanding.

i think she over did it yesterday and has kinda been paying for it today.

hence the 3 naps.

but yesterday she sat next to me in the worship service. she personally got to thank some of the people that visited her or prayed for her during her ordeal. i spent the better part of the morning crying. so did she. so did many others. why is it so hard to watch a grown man tear up when her hugs the little gal he prayed over for God's healing? i don't know, but it is beautiful to watch. the realization of prayer answered. the demonstration of God's faithfulness.

we sang some amazing songs, both about the blood of Christ taking away the sins of the world and others highlighting God not ever letting go of us and that God's grace is enough for us. we had a guest speaker, who is a friend of our family, he shared about the importance of community in our lives. he was preaching to the choir on that one, since we understand that completely. we have lived that.

we have so many people to thanks, it's gonna take me a while to get all of the cards written and dishes returned. friends that kept us company in the hospital. friends that took care of my kids and fed us. our extended family that came to be with us.

i find it interesting that the exact people helped at the exact time we needed them and in the exact way. there was never a time when we were in need, God answered even our unasked prayers, the ones that i did not even have words for. that is the amazing thing about God. He knows our needs before we can even ask.

thankfulness fills my heart. thankfulness for the love that we have been shown in an incredible community of Christ followers. people that take their faith seriously, people that understand the importance of relationship, people that follow through on a small, still voice.

i know there are lots and lots of people praying for my sweet girl. it is difficult for me to even comprehend all of those that have prayed or continue to pray for her. we appreciate the prayers and would ask you to please continue to lift her up to the Father as she completes her healing. as she desires wisdom for her future. as she makes difficult decisions.

10 days ago i sat in icu and watched helplessly as a machine breathed for my daughter and i wondered if i would bury her. i know of two families that have had to bury their daughters this week. we were not one of them. why God chose to spare my daughter's life i will never know. i pray that she will use this restoration to change herself for the better. to renew her relationship to her Savior. to see the world through new born eyes.

we have begun to process that last 2 weeks. the changes. our hopes. our fears. a loving God that held us when we no longer could hold ourselves. the restoration of family. of life. of healing.

i have questioned. pleaded. begged. questioned some more. praised. blessed. thanked. wept both tears of pain and tears of joy.

we have started to talk about what kind of a gift we could take to the icu and emergency room nurses and doctors. how to give back. how to make a difference.

jeremiah 29:11 "for I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

not my plans...but His. that is the goal of my life. the one thing i strive for. His plans...not mine.

movin' on up

2011-08-18T18:10:00.000-07:00

today we moved her back to our small town.

she is now at the hospital in the rehabilitation wing.

tonight they are letting her take it easy.

tomorrow the hard work starts.

she is in such good spirits. trying so hard.

the swelling in her face is almost completely gone.

she is slowly regaining her strength...she has youth and health on her side. the doctors are sure of a complete recovery.

i am so thankful. she had me scared. very, very scared.

now she has to make some tough decisions about school. her college classes start on monday. so much is riding on how she feels this weekend. how much progress she makes.

i would like nothing better than for her to be able to start on monday. but what i would really, really like is for her to be healthy and feeling strong.

so that's my prayer for my girl.

strength.

could it be yours too?

mystery diagnosis

2011-08-16T19:13:00.000-07:00

have you seen this show?

i think it is on the discovery channel.

it is one of my favorites. this is how it plays out. someone has really crazy symptoms and the doctors cannot (at first) figure it out. then eventually they do..in a neat little 1/2 hour package. usually the medical stuff is really weird. really. weird. but highly entertaining.

we should consider being on this show.

especially since we have been told all kinds of things this last week.

the news, which is not good is this...she was bit by a brown recluse spider. simply awful. the reaction was so bad, because it was on her face. it will be about 2 more weeks before we will know the extent of the damage and what will need to be done about that. she is young and strong and healthy...all of that is working in her favor.

at least i will not need to buy epipens for all of her friends to carry. at least she will not have to worry about when the next attack will occur or if she is near enough to a major hospital to get treatment for a serious conditon. when she is healed...it is done.

although i am not very fond of the answer...it is an answer.

one doctor yesterday asked me if we had these spiders in our house. i was a little dumbfounded, i mean we live in kansas and they are in kansas. no i am not trying to colonize them, no i am not breeding them, no i do not have them on purpose. but they exist and are hard to find since they are reclusive...hence their name.

we will do everything we can to erradicate them from our abode. quickly. the hubbster was planning on hitting the store tonight to see what could be done.

it is so helpless to watch your child suffer. at least a thousand times i have asked God if i could trade places with her. obviously that has not happened. apparently God has something that she needs to learn from this horrific experience. i can only hope that He takes this awful event and turns it into something beautiful in her life.

isaiah 61:2-3
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
they will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

tonight i will sleep in my own bed and my oldest daughter will stay the night with her sister. i am desperately tired, almost to the point of pain. i have slept in a chair in the icu. a recliner that did not really recline for the last 6 nights. with icu lights on in the room and a very noisy floor. people being admitted at all hours of the night.

so i am thankful that tonight i will sleep in my own bed...and it's a good thing....

tomorrow is little bit's first day of 1st grade and i need to be there for her.

today when i came home from the over night stay at the hospital, little bit did not want to talk to me. so i went over and brought her to the couch with me. i snuggled her up on my lap as she began to cry. sobbed. wept. big cleansing tears. after she calmed down a bit i asked her to use her words and tell me what was wrong. she said that she is scared that big sis is sick and at the hospital. she is mad that i keep leaving. i told her that i have always come back. that people do that. they go somewhere and then they come back.

we went to my room and we both got in my bed and turned on the cartoons. she spent the next 1/2 hour snuggling, kissing, telling me she loves me and pretending to snore. i can imagine it was like sleeping with a monkey. then she began to ask me what grandma was doing, which i told her to go and find out. as soon as she left i fell asleep for about 3 hours.

they ate lunch, ran an errand and ate ice cream. i slept, ate and showered. she was better tonight, i think she has had to grow up a lot in the last week. hard, but good. something i think she was ready to do.

so this has been a week of growning...for all of us. of learning to trust on the One who is trustworthy. to lean on the only One who is able to pick us up when we fall. to renew our strength and a fresh belief in a Savior who knew what we could handle and would be there for us. He wanted to show Himself to us through this really, tough time. and He has.

anyone have the number for mystery diagnosis....

sweet dreams

2011-08-15T20:04:00.000-07:00

to say tonight i am exhausted would be a huge understatement.

i am even more sleepy than after a full week of camp or mission trip.

even more tired than being in peru for a month or traveling home without my husband and with a 6 year old in tow.

i cannot remember being this weary before.

psalm 127:2 in vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat — for he grants sleep to those he loves.

it's been a rough day for all of us.

when you have been sedated and on morphine for 5 days you cannot remember. anything. you ask the same questions over and over and over again. you do not remember that people have come to stay with you. you do not remember what happened to you. you hallucinate. you are fearful. your imagination runs wild.

this is our reality.

my poor, poor sweet girl. she too is exhausted.

what we both need more than anything is a full night of sleep.

proverbs 3:24 when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

oh, it's been an exciting day full of promise. she was taken off of sedation, the ventilator and feeding tube were removed as were some of her iv lines. her swelling has come down dramatically. she is able to move around in bed as she wishes.

but tonight the icu is full of strange noises. noises that i have become accustomed to hearing...sleeping through. noises that she finds to be scary...threatening.

if you would do one thing for me...would you please pray that this girl could fall asleep and stay asleep tonight. it would be the very best thing for her recovery. it would make tomorrow a much better day.

well that...and that the her tummy would settle down so she can try some ice chips?

thank you.

sweet dreams.

psalm 4:8 in peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.

sweet words

2011-08-14T21:34:00.000-07:00

proverbs 16:24 gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

oh dear friends your words have such a healing quality.

i have been reading my daughter your kind words and they are having such an amazing effect. at one point she tried to read them herself, but really cannot yet.

now for the good news.

she can open her eyes...both of them. the swelling is receding. the infection is going away. she is beginning to heal.

psalm 41:3 the LORD sustains them on their sickbed and restores them from their bed of illness.

the doctors have begun a new treatment, since the original one was not working very well. it is amazing to see the progress.

i hate to say that i was letting fear get the best of me. my thoughts dragging me down to the pit. anxiety began to rule in my heart. then i cried out to God. i begged you to join me in prayer.

forever i will be thankful that He heard my cry and answered.

if you could see from where she has come you would be amazed. so many changes for the better.

hopefully the doctors will be pleased with the progress and will decide to remove her ventilator, feeding tube and take her off of sedation. i would like nothing more than for them to make the decision to do that tomorrow. only time can tell if that will happen.

today was difficult in many ways. my sis left and took her girls with her. the nerve! i do realize that they have a life and need to get back to it, but they are sorely missed. little bit talks constantly about miss c and all of the fun they had together.

we did a little house clean-up, got some groceries and i took a short nap. then my folks arrived, the in-laws arrived later on this evening. we had friends deliver a lasagna dinner and everyone is now in bed...well, except me. i am doing the night shift, like i have for the last 4 nights. i prefer it. i will go home when the hubby gets here in the morning.

the hard part? that all the good stuff seems to happen during the day. i hear about it on the phone and do not get to see it in person. it's like your child started to walk when they were with the babysitter. not that i don't want her to take these baby steps towards recovery...i do! i just don't like missing out on all of them.

so again i thank you for your prayers and ask you to please continue lifting my daughter up to the Great Physician. to the only One that can really heal her.

in the mean time, while i wait to watch God in action....i thank you for your kind words, the hugs you have given me, the meals, your friendships, texts, phone calls and messages.

you have been as a honeycomb to me...healing my soul.

while i wait

2011-08-12T20:56:00.000-07:00

here i am tonight. sitting in the icu unit of our hospital. looking over my beautiful 18 year old daughter.

(photo courtesy of my sweet sis.)

my heart is breaking. or maybe it has already broken.

on wednesday morning she awoke with a sore eye. by mid morning her face had begun to swell. instead of going to the eye doctor as intended, i took her to the emergency room. by 4 pm she was on her way to the big city in an ambulance...intubated and sedated.

the last two days have been horrible. difficult. painful to watch.

i would trade places with her in a heartbeat. even seeing what she has been through. it is unspeakable to watch your child suffer. to sit helplessly by and watch. all the thought that run through your head. the what ifs the whys. the time to think and think and think. to question.

psalm 37:39 the salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD; he is their stronghold in time of trouble.

here we sit in icu and pray. we pray for peace. we pray for healing. we pray for God's mercy. we pray.

i am thankful that we are not alone. thankful for friends and family that have come to our rescue. for the friends that have brought us meals and desserts, that have come to visit, to pray over us. for the endless offers of a play date for little bit. for those that have held me and wiped my tears. for my sis who is sitting next to me tonight in a hospital room. for this same sis who came to my rescue, who is making sure i eat and sleep.

yesterday as i was driving a verse came to my mind. about 30 minutes later a sweet, young friend sent me a verse via her mom's phone.

james 5:14-15 is anyone among you sick? let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. and the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. ff they have sinned, they will be forgiven.

so that is what we did. we called. they came. they anointed her head with oil. they read the scriptures. they prayed for God's mercy and healing in faith. it was beautiful. truly beautiful. i wept.

she is resting now. the anxiety and fear has left. we all feel that it is vital to her healing. an enormous sense of peace is with me. i am no longer in fear. oh trust me, i want her better now. but i have faith that God will bring healing to her body. i told Him that i believe, only He would need to help my unbelief...and He has.

i know that there are no promises for tomorrow. nothing earthly to hope on. but i believe that God will completely restore her. He has big plans for her. i can hardly wait to see how He uses this in her life.

so i will rejoice in the little things, the tiny steps. she can respond to me, she can open one eye, she can squeeze my hand, she can give me a thumbs up. all improvements since yesterday. i will rejoice, yes i say it again i will rejoice.

as my oldest daughter and i left the emergency room on wednesday afternoon i thought it would be a good idea to bring in the mail.

believe it or not, our uscis approval was sitting in the mailbox. it all feels so anti-climactic, considering what we are going through right now. we are thrilled to finally have it and will get started on our dossier just as soon as our daughter is on the mend.

also today we were featured on the show hope blog. they were gracious enough to give us a grant to help with little bit's adoption. we sent some photos and wrote a blog post and today was our day to shine. you can look at it here.

so if you are not doing anything right now, would you please take some time and pray for my daughter. ask the Father to completely restore her health?

thank you.

not your ordinary sunday

2011-08-08T21:05:00.000-07:00

there is so much i want to say.

so much to be thankful for.

my heart can hardly contain all of the blessing and my eyes certainly cannot as it seems to be leaking out of them constantly.

on sunday night we had a benefit concert. my sons and two of their friends did the majority of the planning and a lot of the work.

lots of people came out on a sweltering august evening to support and encourage our family. we had some yummy snacks, loads of caffeine, entertainment and fellowship. i'm not sure what could have been better.

my family made the trek. it is still hard to fathom that they came all of this way just for an evening. but they did and it was amazing. i cannot even begin to tell you how good it feels. if you would like to read my sister's blog post about the concert here.

i need to give a big shout out to pastor robert who allowed us to use norm's coffee bar for the shindig. he seemed to have a great time, especially talking to my brother-in-law the pastor...talking shop.

we all did a few family pics before we all left for the concert. i'm always glad when someone brings their camera! especially since photography is not really what i'm good at.

ian miller, a friend of the guys, played his guitar for us. original music. wonderfully played.

then the kids and i played. we just did a few worship songs that we led at camp this summer. i will tell you this one thing...there is nothing i enjoy more that worshipping with my kids. it is the most amazing thing...ever! i will never grow weary of playing with them, we only hope to add more members to the band. in fact this afternoon we played some more, only adding my middle sis on the keys and my pastor brother-in-law on his new mandolin.

lastly "despite the storm" played. that's the band my guys, andrew and jason have. they were really, really good. they played some fun and crazy stuff that got the crowd going. these guys bless my heart. usually sarah plays keys for them, but this has been fair week and she's been super busy. lucking she was able to come to the concert, she just didn't play with them...she played with the little kids instead. she's amazing!

the whole night was incredible. there are just too many photos to show them all to you. it would take me all night and you would get tired of looking at them all. really you would. if you are my facebook friend, feel free to browse through the whole batch...well the good ones. thanks dad and joy for taking pictures. i brought my camera but was a little too busy to take photos.

we did a few give-aways.

this was the pool that i had to draw from. when people came in we gave them a ticket and had them write their name on the back, then my young friend ruth folded them all in half and was the official "drawer out of the basket girl". she did an amazing job.

i love it that so many of our friends came out in support to enjoy the evening. not only did they pay to come in, but they also bought snacks and tshirts and jewelry and headbands and stuff.

we even had a chance to share about this little man that we are working to go back for. we told people about this amazing nun that introduced us to a sweet little boy. a boy she asked us to advocate for. a nun with a gift of healing. a little boy that we pray for daily. a son that we dream of. a little boy that we want to name as ours.

will you please pray with us that we will get our uscis approval soon?

so you ask if little bit enjoyed herself at the concert? well what do you think?

playing with the cousins in always a highlight for her.

toys, cupcakes, popcorn....giggling.

before the kids and i hit the stage she asked me if we were going to go and play our music. then she asked me if she was going to sing with us. she really likes to sing. i asked her if she wanted to. she told me no that she wanted to play.

she played all night. although she would check in with me to make sure she knew where i was all the time, but could run and play and have fun.

so many changes in her. they are becoming more and more obvious. so much so that people comment pretty regularly about the changes...i guess they agree with her!

she asks about little man quite a bit these days. i really don't know if she really understands it completely. but enough that she is at peace. and for now that is all that we really need.

10 months

2011-08-05T17:47:00.000-07:00

that's how long i've known this little girl.

hard to believe that 10 months ago i met this little girl.

time flies.

looking back, some days feel a little surreal. she's been with us forever hasn't she? it's not even possible that we just met.

then other days i wonder who dropped this kid off at my home.

most days i feel the other way....most days.

today was a good day.

for her and for us.

we sent the needed documents to uscis today. we were allowed to email them and not send them in the mail. i was so relieved to hear that they were accepted. hopefully this means we will have approval soon. once we have approval then i will get started on the dossier. i have bunches of things ready to send off just as soon as the documents arrive.

i've been thinking a lot about little man right lately. i wonder how he is doing. i pray that he is well and thriving. i treasure the things the nuns told us about him. deep in my heart.

i think about him running in the back yard, being chased by his big sisters. dressing up in silly outfits with his little sister. i can see his small body and his brothers lanky bodies sprawled out on the living room floor building with legos. i imagine snuggling him after a bath and reading stories before bed.

soon we will be able to read his file and look at his sweet picture. that's a good thing, since the picture in my mind is fading and i would really like something tangible. something to hold in my hand.

in the meantime we continue to get ready for the benefit concert on sunday.

keep working on his room.

paint furniture.

dream.

soon sweet boy, soon.

three on thursday

2011-08-04T16:49:00.000-07:00

ok...lame...i know it.

i really needed a snappy title, but couldn't come up with one. it's the best i could do.

so here we go...

three things....

1. i finally received something in the mail from uscis. not what i wanted, but a letter none the less.
it says, in a nutshell that my hubby and i need to send in our birth certificates and marriage license to prove that we are us citizens. i would think that our home study would have made this point rather clear.
really. it would be nice to know that our previous adoption also made this obvious.

so that is what i will do. in the morning. one photocopied letter, hubby's birth certificate, my birth certificate and our marriage license. overnighted.

hopefully this will solve the problem and answer all of their questions.

2. the benefit concert has a new date. august 7th. same time and place, 6:30-9:30 pm at norm's coffee bar. we hope to see a lot of you locals on sunday night. should be a fun night of music, yummy desserts and give-aways.

my middle sis and her kids and my folks are planning to be there. the hubby's parents had originally planned to come, but cannot with the date change. we would not have changed dates, but there was a meeting at church last sunday night that we really wanted to encourage people to attend, so we moved.

so come out if you can.

3. after talking to a friend on the phone this afternoon and another at mcdonalds i feel almost human. the last week has been tough emotionally, so it was great to have their encouragement and wisdom. thanks lori and beth, you have made me feel so loved.

if you have adopted you know how hard it can be. knitting a child to your heart is down right painful at times, although worth every bit of pain. especially an older child, one with their own ideas and habits. one with their own viewpoint of what the world looks like, how it should run and who should be in charge.

sometimes it makes you question. it makes you think. it makes you wonder. your beliefs of the world change. your friends change. your heart changes. forever. i am no longer the same girl i was 2 1/2 years ago when we started this journey. i will never be her again. never.

most days i like this new girl that i have become, other times, well not so much. especially when i have to do the tough stuff, the hard parts of parenting. the emotionally draining stuff.

when i first thought about adoption i knew there would be tough days, weeks, months. i knew it, i really did.

we have a new mantra at our house. it goes something like this, "i am almost 7, i am a big girl, i am not a baby." my oldest asked me the other day how that was working. my response..."some days great, other days, well, not so much." we are doing our best to help little bit grow up, learn about being responsible for her actions and things. she is learning to take care of the things that belong to her and learning to help others.

she has come a long, long way in the 9 months of being home. a long, long way.

however, i know the real reason many look at this blog is for my amazing photography skills. ok, so i am a bad liar and photographer. i did snap some pics of little bit over the last week that i think you will enjoy. here ya go.

there is nothing quite like a potato head mustache stuck up a 6 year olds nose to brighten your day!

yesterday

2011-07-23T22:04:00.000-07:00

i really should have posted this yesterday.

but we were in kansas city picking up some furniture from my youngest sis and her hubby.

july 22

2010

the day we were matched with our youngest daughter.

a crazy, emotional day.

i think i hit refresh a bajillion times on the mimdes website waiting for them to post the consejo results.

in some ways it is hard to believe a whole year has transpired since that day.

this was the first picture we were able to show of you. the others were grainy photocopies of a worried little girl. heart wrenching actually.
when i saw this i thought she looked soulful. {now that i know you better i realize you were scared to death and had retreated deep inside yourself.}

then the real wait began while we worked on getting her visa.

it took a lot longer than we ever thought it would. we traveled on october 1, 2010. just shy of 10 months ago. we had hoped to travel by her birthday, september 20, but missed it by 10 days.

so much has changed in her little life. not only a new home, a new family, siblings. but she now has language. she almost had no language even in spanish when we met her. now she jokes and laughs and says 'i love you'. she loves to curl up in your lap with a book or tattle on one of her siblings. she can sing songs and knows her abcs and can count. she can write her letters and numbers and is learning to read and add.

she knows that a shut door only lasts for a few minutes and is not a reason to cry...just a need for a bit of privacy. she has also learned to enjoy a shut door.

she has started to pretend.

she has a vivid memory. she loves to remind you of things past.

nothing is better that a flower in her hair and something pretty to wear. she loves puzzles and blocks and 'reading' to herself. if you ask her favorite food, she will tell you, ice cream.

she loves family and friends and remembers every ones names. she talks about them and will probably remember the last silly thing you did together...and try to recreate the moment when she sees you again. she has funny, silly things she does with each of the olders....unique things. things special to their relationships.

the physical change is astounding. she has grown 4 inches and gained 4 pounds in the last 6 months. i brought her home in 4t clothes and she is a solid 5 with even wearing some 6 tops. i'm not sure her shoe size, since she has been in sandals, crocs or flip flops for most of the summer. i am sure her feet are bigger too, since her sandals look kinda small.

baby girl, we are so glad that you are home. we praise God for the changes in your life, your sweet spirit, your giggles. thank you for letting us be your family and the joy your have brought to our home.

welcome home, sweet girl.

welcome home.

remember these?

2011-07-22T11:13:00.000-07:00

well i still have some of the t-shirts that we sold for an adoption fundraiser when working on little bit's adoption.

i am hoping to sell the rest of them. they were $18 and now they are $15. i need $2 for shipping 1 and $5 for shipping 3. if you are interested please message me.

this is the women's heather gray one: small, medium, large and extra large are available.

this is the women's brown one: small, large, extra large are available.

the back says in a script font....'oh that i have the wings of a dove, i would fly away and be at rest.'

this is the men's heather gray one: medium, large, extra large available.

this is the men's brown one: large and extra large available.

the back says in a stencil font...'i will be a father to you and you will be my sons and daughters.'

you can see the whole original tshirt post here.

please do disregard the awkward posing my kids were doing. it was cold outside...i made they pose and the ground was kinda squishy.

enough said.

want one?

you are invited

2011-07-21T17:35:00.000-07:00

i guess it all started at camp. my older daughter and a friend of hers talking. brainstorming. dreaming.

today i have been humbled.

today i have felt love in action.

we've been investing in the lives of the teens at our church for the last 4 plus years.

i am not patting myself on the back. i just like hanging out with teens.

they are honest, fun, inquisitive and just on the verge of being grown up. they ask tough questions. they dream big dreams. they are not afraid to try. not afraid to test their wings. did i mention that i really like them?

so when one of them approached me about a benefit concert to aid our adoption...well i was surprised and then at the same time...not so much.

he went to all of the effort of finding a place and a date on his own. he has talked to people about playing. he made a facebook invite.

we've spent the day texting back and forth as we have been busy working out the details.

to say that i like this kid would be a huge understatement. huge. understatement.

he calls me his other mom. i treat him more like a little brother than my son. mostly because i've never had to ground him or pick up his dirty laundry. he's a great kid, who gets the whole adoption thing. he has siblings adopted from the ukraine. so he knows what it's really like...how hard it can be...how beautiful it can be. he knows. he knows.

so we are knee deep in the details today.

here's the scoop.

sunday, july 31st from 6:30 pm to 9:00 pm. norm's coffee bar. $5 cover. snacks and drinks will be available. there will be some great music, yummy snacks and fun conversation. at some point in the evening, hubby and i will share what we know about this little boy we hope to make ours. we will talk about what God has laid upon our hearts and what our hopes are for the future. we will share our story.

we would love to have you come.

thanks to angela for the pic...she took this one at camp when were playing.

these guys make me proud. they are amazing people....i'm just glad they call me their friend.

angela took this one too, at camp nonetheless. it was for the superhero dress up day. do you see the cape and tights on little bit? i do not either. she just joined up in any photo anyone what taking at any time. silly girl. but she is super! i just don't know about the hero part.

hopefully we will see you on the 31st!

tidbits

2011-07-14T21:08:00.000-07:00

just because i've not been blogging over the last few days, does not mean that there is not a lot going on here.

i have been keeping busy. very busy.

on tuesday we moved big sister into her new room.

we still have a few things to finish up, but for now it looks great. on monday we bought some light fixtures, so that will give the hubster something "fun" to do over the weekend. that is, since he doesn't have carpet to lay of anything.

since she made her bed, i thought i would give you a little peek.

this is the bedding she picked out at t.j.maxx. the quilt folded at the end of the bed was something out of the linen closet. it just happened to match the rug she bought at the local antique store.

please do notice that the "twilight" posters did indeed make the cut to the new room. some may have liked her to no longer hang them, but they are on the wall and she is quite happy about it.

a friend of hers came over yesterday to help us paint the room she just moved out of. her friend was talking about how bad she felt painting this room, that she had to move out of. that she had to move to the basement. i suggested that they go down to the bedroom and take a peek. her friend didn't feel so sorry for her anymore after she saw the finished product.

so the painting is a work in progress.

this is what it looked like before we started painting. kind of a sunflowery gold.

the new paint is called wicker.

i thought for sure that i would have enough paint for the second coat today. i tried, really i did. the hubster had to go and get another quart for me to finish up tomorrow. it just didn't completely cover it. when i finish the walls, i will touch up the ceiling and wall trim. too many painters have painted these walls and they need a little help. did i mention that my hubby is a rock star? he had just come home from work, it is hot here in the heartland, he turned around and went back to the paint store. rock star...that's what he is!

this is what it the room looks like now.

on another note...

i was curious about where "in time" our uscis approval was. so i made a few phone calls. after many dead ends, i called the agency. i was directed to a new phone number, where i actually ended up getting some answers. it looks like it is taking around 60 days for an i800a to be approved. not really what i wanted to hear, but i would always rather hear the truth. today at the texas lock box they were working on the receiving date of may 12th. ours is june 7th. i promised i would not call back until august 7th. i think we still will be on track for getting our dossier sent in october. no worries...at least not yet!

tonight we had dinner with friends. at their place. they have three kiddos, two older bios and a little guy from ethiopia. we have known this family for about 5ish years. we've prayed for each other's kids to come home, been there to greet each other at the airport. supported each other's fundraisers.

it was great to get together. it was great to feel the support of someone else walking the same path. they also work in our church's adoption group, his hands of hope. our church give grants to families adopting. it helps open up other grants to us. i am so thankful that our church is willing to help.

we've been struggling a little here lately. i don't know if it's that big sister moved downstairs and we are working on the other room. i don't know if it is just that little bit is ready to be back in the structure that school provides...if the summer is just to long for her right now. i don't really know and i find that frustrating. sometimes it is hard to know what will trigger an emotion or memory that she cannot express with her limited language skills.

so a big thank you for my friend b, who heard my cry today and met me at the grocery store...just so she could be there is real time for me. i really, really needed a hug....really, really needed a shoulder to lean on.

thanks for being there for me, b.

that's all there is for this thursday night, folks.

now let's see what i can accomplish tomorrow.

surprise!

2011-07-10T19:04:00.000-07:00

to say that she was excited when she saw her room would be a huge understatement.

what fun it is to do something special for your kids. something they really do not expect.

she really didn't think that carpet would be that nice, or that it would even be in the room yet. although i did let her know that we bought it.

she really didn't think that the room would be painted or that the trim would be (mostly) up.

the rest of the trim should be finished tomorrow night. it shouldn't take too long for it all to be finished.

tomorrow is a shopping day and then we hope to get her moved in.

i thought you might enjoy the "out take". her surprised face was a little more difficult to come up with than she originally thought!

i'm just glad that she likes the improvements. :)

one day closer to starting on little man's room!

nearly finished

2011-07-09T19:06:00.000-07:00

the carpet is completely in. i cut the section by the door and the carpet for the closet. tape has been laid and carpet is adhered to the floor. seams are taped and glued.

it looks amazing if i do say so myself.

i had plently of help, so i cannot take all of the credit. but it does look pretty good. way better than i ever thought it would. way better than i ever thought we could do.

hubbster is working on the trim. the guys took off the quarter round before we started laying the carpet for cutting. they even numbered it all and them put a fresh coat of paint on it. so proud. they do such nice work, when i can pull them away from video games.

tomorrow we will finish the trims. rehang the doors and generally clean everything up. then it is ready for older to see for the first time. i can hardly wait to show it to her. i will try to document her surprise...i'm just not always good at that kind of thing. but i promise to do my best.

little bit napped and then watched the wizard of oz and ate popcorn while we worked. she's a trooper.

what a change the room has gone through. it's even hard to remember what it looked like before....good thing we have some "before" pics.

as soon as she is moved in, i will get started on little man's room.

fear not, i will show you that progress too!

what a crazy little thought. it makes the whole thing seem so much more real.

now if only uscis would send the approval!

the fun continues...day 3

2011-07-08T19:19:00.000-07:00

today was painting fun.

the entire room has had two coats of warm scone.

sound yummy?

the room is approximately 12 x 25. with a little closet. lots and lots of trimming. i had to go and buy a new trim brush today. after i had already been to the paint store, i went to look at the paint brushes. oh, how sad they looked. fuzzy. i cannot trim with a fuzzy trim brush. so little bit and i headed back to the store for a brush. i love new paint brushes. all the hairs lay flat, so clean, so pretty, in it's shiny new wrapper. just begging for me to dip it into my paint.

ok, i will stop.

i convinced the guys to help. we got one coat on the entire room before lunch. (i did end up getting them lunch from arby's...somehow i just knew that's what they would want!)

i'm more than a little tired tonight. parts of me hurt...ok, no details. however, my rug burn is healing nicely, almost not even noticeable tonight.

but the room is coming together nicely.

trim is painted. all the carpet is cut.

you may be wondering why we laid carpet last night and then painted today. isn't that dangerous? yes it is! but we folded the carpet up into the middle of the room and then painted. installation is yet to come! don't worry!!!

tomorrow we will vacuum the floor. install carpet tape. install cut carpet. cut baseboards. cut quarter round. install baseboards. install quarter round.

i can't believe everything we have gotten done in the last 3 days.

i can hardly wait until older sis comes home from camp. won't she be surprised???

i have the best of both worlds....i love projects and have no fear of tackling them just like my dad...i love shopping, just like my mom. and that's a good thing, because when older gets home she's gonna wanna go to target and t.j. maxx!

the cutter

2011-07-07T19:59:00.000-07:00

that's my new name.

no...nothing bad that i need to talk with you about.

i cut the carpet.

all of it.

with a little help from my holders...the men in my life.

some were more excited about helping than others. but the carpet is in the room.

these are just some of the tools of my new trade.

i still need to cut the carpet that goes into the closet and the piece to finish by the door.

tomorrow i will paint baseboard and quarter round so the hubbster can miter the corners and liquid nail it into place. you see there is already trim up on the wall that were sheet rocked, but the others are concrete so they did not have trim. well they will this weekend.

i will probably get the wall paint tomorrow too and get going on that.

oh, how i love projects. my guys...well, not so much. i told them they would need to be ready to help by 10:30 tomorrow morning. much groaning ensued, but we will make it up to them. i will probably have to drive out to arby's to make them happy.

oh, you are wondering what little bit was doing while the cutter was working her magic?

dreaming sweet dreams. we didn't even start until she was in bed. she is not known for being a lot of help.

won't big sis be surprised when she comes home from camp on sunday?

stay tuned for tomorrow's progress.

now i am off to shower and take a look at the rug burn on my knees....no shorts for me tomorrow!

wild wednesday

2011-07-06T20:10:00.000-07:00

it's been a crazy little day.

little bit had summer school this morning, which isn't all that crazy since this is her third week, but she usually goes on tuesday, wednesday and thursday. so we felt a little mixed up this morning.

i sent my oldest daughter still living at home to camp. she drove herself and a friend to missouri. it's the same camp that we led worship at in june. i'm glad she wanted to go back. it's an amazing place that God is actively working in. but it was strange sending her off.

i spent the majority of my afternoon working on my etsy shop. i've been doing some crafting and thought it was time to update. so go and take a peek here. you just might find something you cannot live without or a gift for a special someone. regardless i would love to have your input on the shop.

this evening the hubbster and i decided to head to the big city and get some dinner, do a little shopping.

just a nice evening, relaxing together, enjoying each other's company.

while we did those things, we also bought 320 square feet of carpeting and all the trimmings. wild? i believe so.

we have been doing some bedroom switching so that we can have a room upstairs for little man. i know that he probably won't even be home until next summer, but i work throughout the school year, which makes this kind of thing kinda tricky. so older decided that she would move downstairs. she pulled up the ugliest carpet in the history of basements. brown with flowers. truly horrible.

did i mention that it had a disgusting pad glued to the floor? it required scraping and sanding to get it up.

well now it's ready for carpet.

so we went to menards to check out what they might have. i had already checked out lowes and a local place. our estimate from the local place was just a hair under $900. gulp. no thank you please. so we just decided to look around a bit, do a little shopping. then make a final decision this weekend.

did i mention to you that we bought the carpet tonight?

this is what our van looked like.

this is what the inside of the van looked like while we were driving down the interstate. it was a cozy ride. we almost didn't even need seatbelts! Don't worry mom, we wore them anyway!

a man and his carpet.

the men in action.

the real fun will begin tomorrow. i have 41 linear feet of baseboard and quarter round to paint, we were smart and bought the primed stuff. then i will need to pull off the quarter round that is already in the room and number it, so i remember how to put it back up.

the hubbster will get to take off the door and the closet door, move the upright freezer, two chairs, a princess tent and an end table. then it will really get wild when we do a final vacuuming. laying the carpet!!!!

wildly enough, i am pretty excited. maybe because it feels like progress. there are so many things we cannot do right now, that having something we can do...it just feels good.

i will do my best to keep you posted on our progress. i would love it if we could get most of it done by the time our daughter gets home on sunday afternoon. we shall see.

wild enough for ya?

in the meanwhile...

2011-07-05T18:31:00.000-07:00

the dog days of summer are here in the heartland.

besides hitting the backyard pool and lawn chair, we've been trying to come up with some things to do to stay cool.

i have been crafting.

fun little look-alike tanks for mom and daughter. big sis even wanted one, though i doubt she will wear them on the same day that we will. she's not really into the 'matching with your mom and little sister look'. i have no idea why not, we are pretty cute, don'tcha think?

we wore them to church on sunday a got rave reviews. little bit just happens to have a cute aqua, white and navy polka dot skirt handed-down to her from her same age but bigger cousin. hers matched perfectly. i paired mine with a chambray skirt and gladiator sandals. several friends asked if these would appear in the etsy shop. my answer..."we'll see". i find the etsy shop a lot of work.

i also have been working on these.

i think they turned out pretty cute.

little bit thinks so too. she was so excited to get to pick one out for herself. she chose the pink one as she likes all things pink. she will happily wear any color and looks good in so many, but really has an opinion on clothing and such. she especially likes her hair to be done. she will stand for an impossibly long time, not complaining to have braids and ponies put into her hair.

she does not wear headbands very well yet, they fall out and she doesn't remember to push them back up on her head. we do hairflowers, or ponies or little braids to pull her hair back, maybe she will grow in to the headband look.

you may wonder what she was doing while i was crafting.

mega blocks. she adores them.

she really likes to make an enormous tower with incredible instability and cause it to crash to the ground. belly giggles ensue. then she does it over and over and over again. after a crash she says, 'mom, look, i don't know, it fell down, oh no!"

i am so thankful that she is able to get out a toy and play with it. it is a beautiful thing. we have come a long, long way. i even get to have alone time in the bathroom and so does she. she allows me to close doors to get dressed and she does not reprogram the dishwasher or torture the dog. well, not usually. she will even sit all the way through a video...especially if it is cinderella, her personal favorite. the bigger kids are always trying to talk her into watching lion king, or jungle book or peter pan. she is willing to watch another movie, but if you want her to sit in one place for 76 minutes then you had better plug in cinderella. she will even watch all of the junk before the feature starts which is probably about 10 minutes or so. good, good stuff.

sometimes when i look back at the old pictures i am amazed that she is the same child. so many huge changes. she has grown 4 inches since being home and gained 4 pounds. she also has had some growing pains. i guess that's to be expected.

i've spent a lot of time wondering about what our future will look like. will little bit like a brother her age to play with? will he be happy here with us. i know that he is longing for a family. i know that he is praying for one. i hope that we will be able to go to peru before real long, but think realistically that if it is before next may, it will be a complete miracle.

we are waiting for uscis approval. our biometric fingerprint appointment was last thursday. it went off without a hitch. the nice fingerprint lady told me that the three hardest people to fingerprint are: construction workers, adoptive mothers and orthodontists. i found that pretty funny. i guess we wash ourselves, our children, our homes and that causes our fingerprints to be more difficult to capture. she had a new machine and even i passed without problems.

as soon as we have our uscis approval we will begin our dossier prep. most of the items in the dossier are time sensitive, so we should not being them too early. especially anything medical. i do not want to needlessly redo any medical stuff, especially lab tests involving blood.

our goal is to turn in the dossier at the beginning of november to peru. we cannot turn anything in until little bit's one year post placement review is turned in and it is due in october.

my guesstimate of a time frame:

dossier: november.
dossier approved by peru: anytime between january and may. hopefully sooner than later.
approval to adopt little man: first meeting after dossier approval.
travel: roughly 6 weeks later.

however all is able to change at a minute's notice. so really we have no idea.

but that's okay. i know where little man is sleeping tonight and i know the nuns that are whispering prayers over him as he sleeps. i know that he is eating well and has clothing appropriate for the time of the year. i know that he is going to school and learning.

so in the meanwhile i will rest in that. that God has heard the cry of a young boy's heart and we are doing our best to be obedient to what we feel the Father is calling us to do.

“give justice to the poor and the orphan; uphold the rights of the oppressed and the destitute.
psalm 82:3

motivation...or the lack thereof

2011-06-27T14:38:00.000-07:00

there are so many things i should be doing right now.

sewing curtains. loading new jewelry designs into my etsy store. making supper.

sadly i don't really feel like doing any of it.

i'm tired...maybe exhausted is a better name for it.

my little sis and for 4 youngsters were at our house for the weekend. 8, 6, 3, 1. wowsers. add that to my 18, 15, 15, 6, plus one dog. but it was great fun. we stayed up chatting way too late. left for a few quick get aways. ate at the local donut shop. just had fun together as part of a family. her hubby is out of the country on business and a gal can only handle the craziness for so long on her own, so she bundled up the tribe and brought them to our house. it was loud. there was limited floor space. but a great time was had for all.

i should have taken some pictures, but i did not. she took a few from her phone, maybe she will blog them, if so i will redirect you to her space. we even talked about doing a craft, but after we corralled the wee ones into bed, we collapsed on the couch with tv remote in hand.

so no cute pics of our kiddos together. it's ok. maybe i will have my act together the next time.

our next to oldest is moving downstairs this summer so that i can get a bedroom together for little man. you may wonder why i am doing it now, especially when i have no idea how soon he will be home. i have summers (mostly) off from work, since i work in a school, thus extra time to get some stuff done around here. however, i seem to be lacking the motivation required to sew, paint, organize. i am hoping that getting our fingerprints taken at uscis on thursday will be all the motivation i need.

because i desperately need some...

in theory

2011-06-22T20:19:00.000-07:00

a lot of the time i don't really feel like i fit in anymore.

i've always viewed myself as a square peg trying desperately to fit into a round hole.

i think i've stopped trying to fit.

it seems to have lost some of it's importance.

i am who i was created to be and i think i am okay with that.

i got together last night with a friend. she has kids adopted from difficult pasts. older kids. kids that were older when they became hers. it's hard and a lot of the time not so pretty. my heart hurts for her as i watch her attempt to love the unlovable. to help heal what is hard to even look at sometimes. to answer difficult questions.

most would think she has it all together. she has learned a lot and is willing to share what she has learned. i have called her crying more than once...she has always been there for me. i was glad to be there for her last night. we talked and cried and had sonic drinks. we shared our hearts and our hurts.

you see this adoption thing is hard. it is hard to take a child from a difficult past and knit them to your heart. it hurts. don't get me wrong, it is worth all of the pain, but it still hurts.

even if you adopt a "healthy" child. because there is no such thing as a "healthy" orphan. they have no parents, have lived in an institution. they have lived without adequate attention, food, health care. oh, they may have been loved, they may have been taken care of...but not by a mommy and a daddy. they have shared caregivers with dozens of children. those caregivers may have been abusive or ignorant or hurting themselves.

our youngest was a best case scenario...still she has developmental delays due to living in an orphanage. certain things trigger "orphan" behavior with her. sometimes we don't even know what the trigger was, because her language is delayed and she is unable to tell us.

she has come a long, long way. she is doing great and has made huge strides. she is learning new words everyday and works hard on communicating with us. so much so that i will sometimes as her if she wants to listen to cds in her room, just so i have a little quiet! she starts talking the minute you wake her up and goes full throttle until she is asleep at night. she is happy and bubbly and funny. she is willing to try, excited about going places and greets people happily. all of those are reasons to celebrate. she was none of those things when we first met her. she was terrified, worried, fearful.

i'm reading a book that my friend lori told me about. it's called "no biking in the house without a helmet" by melissa fay greene. my disclaimer is that it is not a "christian" book. but it's good. this particular family adopted older kids after there older biological kids started flying from the nest. it reminds me a little of me, although i am not an atheistic jew from the east coast. it's a funny look at the craziness of this lifestyle, a look at huge families, a look at knitting a child to your heart. she has a way with words that draws you in to her story and causes you to laugh....but to still think. she has been in difficult situations, she still questions her sanity and wonders about what she is doing. child collecting? running a group home?

i started the book today and am already on page 144. i plan to read more of it tonight, i am sure i will be finished by the weekend. so if you are local and want to borrow it, give me a call.

this family had 4 bios and adopted 5 older kids. 1 from bulgaria and 4 from ethiopia.

not that we plan to adopt 5 kiddos, but we are hoping to bring home a little boy we met in peru. he is older than little bit, but younger than the bios.

we received our invitation from uscis to come to our fingerprint appointment on june 30th. i really didn't think we would see that letter until the middle of july. i am pretty excited to go and get that over with. usually you will get your approval right after the fingerprint appointment. so that means we will get to start our dossier pretty soon. i have all of the applications for birth certificates and marriage certificate all filled out and ready to send in as soon as we get that approval.

you see the dossier documents cannot be older than 8 months when the hit the SNA in peru and medicals cannot be older than 3 months. add to that fact that it all has to be translated before it gets there too, plus legalized and such. our goal is to have it to our agency by the beginning of october. we hope to have it to the SNA by the beginning of november. we cannot request little man until little bit's 1 year post placement review is in peru. so we will do our best to get that in by the end of october.

it is hard to believe that we are approaching 9 months of knowing our youngest daughter. july 5. 3/4 of a year. unbelievable. some days i feel like i have known her forever. others...well, not so much. but mostly forever.

"adoption seems so theoretical, and fun, until you realize you will have to put on foot in front of the other in real time, through actual streets of a city with an impossibly exotic name, on a continent you've never been to, surrounded by people rapidly speaking in many languages of which you will understand not one word--all with the goal of bringing back a traumatized young human being from very far away to your everyday midtown american life." greene

camp fun

2011-06-19T19:33:00.000-07:00

we are home.

safe and sound.

we had a wonderful week leading worship at camp.

it was a beautiful weather, mostly sunny skies with a few incredible thunderstorms.

we originally thought we were staying at the bunkhouse with the cooks and camp nurse. but were pleasantly surprised when we were asked to stay at bill and carol's house, in their guestroom. what an incredible offer, of course we took them up on it.

beautiful, isn't it?

our room was amazing. comfortable. homey. exactly what we needed.

they made this upstairs retreat for their own kids when they visit. since a visitor does not need a large walk-in closet, they made a little hide a way for their grandkids, that little bit was able to take advantage of. it was nice to have a separate place for her, so that older and i could chat without waking her up at night. complete with a little bed just her size.

most days my biggers and i led music both in the morning and evening. some days we just led in the morning, and some days it was just me and older daughter.

usually little bit sat with a family member that was not leading worship or someone else we know well. usually she handled it pretty well. she really likes to sing. we just usually had her sit with us after we led, she was ready to be with me again.

we know a bunch of these kids from camp. some go to school with little bit, others she met this past week. one particular friend she is excited to see every time. i wish i had gotten a picture of them together. she is planning on riding her bike over here this summer and swimming with us, i am sure there will be photo opportunities still coming up.

i wasn't sure what to expect this last week. i thought things could go amazingly well or horrible. we were all pleasantly surprised. things were great. little bit has changed so much in the past week. it is a little crazy to think about. so many new things, new words, new abilities.

when we first brought her home she acted about 2 or 3. she is now definitely 6 going on 7 in a couple of months. she still does silly little kid stuff, still likes to be held and picked up. she is still working on her english. but she has come so very far in such a short time.

i used to be a little afraid of having to go somewhere alone with her. you just never knew what might happen. i am not a big fan of temper tantrums. big surprise, i know. i honestly cannot tell you the last time that even happened.

all week she was cheerful, helpful, friendly. she listened and hiked and tried really hard. she got up early and went to bed late and traveled well. she ate at different times and ate different things. she got bug bites and owies. she swam in a lake and played in the sand. she spent a lot of time waiting. what a little trouper. very few complaints. i was so proud of her.

even a month or two ago she could not have handled this last week. but she did great. amazing really. people that did not know us thought we had her for a lot longer than we have. that was good to hear. really good to hear. nothing like a little encouragement to keep you going.

i told you that my entire family went to the north carolina coast. while i did not get to go with them, i did get to put my feet in sand. i know that sand in missouri is not the same as sand in north carolina, but it's what i had, so i made the most of if.

there is a nice little lake at camp. they dug it up a couple of years ago. it has a rock bottom with a sandy beach. a swimming area, a boating area, a water trampoline.

so...there it is. our week at camp. oh there were lots of precious memories, like staying up late and chatting with my second born. or singing with three of my teens. talks with a friend. making new friends. enjoying the kids and teens at camp...

it was a refreshing time. good for the soul. time spent in God's word, in His nature and singing His praises.

it's always a fun day when...

2011-06-10T07:01:00.000-07:00

you wear piggies.

don't you agree?

my husband is not fond of them. not that he wants to be hateful, he just doesn't really like them. he does not like hair cut into a bob either. but since he cannot do girl hair, it's not really up to him...is it now?

i think she looks adorable.

side note: does anyone else's kids either rush the camera or give you a cheesy smile when you try to take pics? seriously!

and here is the back. it just does not take much for them to start to fall out. i think we ended up re-doing them about 3 or 4 times that day!

i am just thankful that she has enough hair to finally put it in piggies.

she came to us with the most awful, extreemely short haircut. i almost cried when i saw it. but hair grows. thankfully!

your big sister is home for a visit.

yesterday we got to play with biggest sis. oh, how fun that is. little bit was so surprised when we picked her up from summer school together. what fun!

after eating lunch we had to drive into the big city and take my laptop in to get it repaired. apparently the keyboard is going out on my laptop that is not even 1 and a half years old yet. we have been using my hubby's work one for the last 6ish years with no problems. i think i bought a lemon.

anyway after dropping it off for a little check-up we headed to big sis's apartment. she is living with a friend in the big city now. sad but true. so we went to help her hang up some stuff.

while we were there little bit became a shocker fan. who knew a foam finger could be so much fun. it did keep her occupied, which is always a good thing!

after we got back home from the big city, we went out to our little pool for a quick dip. so refreshing. she was taught the fine art of making a tidal wave in your pool. and that certain pool toys can reach mommy's lawn chair if aimed just right.

when you get to go to camp.

we leave in the morning for camp. it should be a great time, hopefully i will have lots of pictures to show for our adventure. i was asked to lead worship for the kid's camp and am really excited. we've been busy practicing and are looking forward to an amazing week. my big kids are going too, just not biggest, since she has to work to pay for her apartment. my guys are helping me lead worship, it will be fun. bigger sis is coming too, whether she play or not, or just sits and helps with little bit is yet to be seen, but it will be fun to have her along.

it is a little bittersweet, however. i had wanted to take the family to the north carolina shore with my parents and sisters and their families. the plan was for all of us to go. the reality is that we are not going with them. it makes me sad. but, God has a different plan for us and i am going to make the best of it.

the hubbster will be staying home, to take care of the dog and water the plants. he has to work...well someone has to, while we are off having fun!

your immigration packet is at uscis.

we sent the packet on monday. we were waiting on a document from our adoption agency to attach to our home study. it finally arrived, so i promptly left for the post office to send it in.

now we wait.

for fingerprint appointments.

if you email, or facbook, or try to contact me....i will be gone for the next week. having fun with my kids, worshipping God, soaking up some missouri sunshine. so please don't be offended when i do not reply. you can text, but i don't think my signal will be very good either. so for the most part....we are off the grid!

have a great week!

summer fun

2011-06-04T19:14:00.000-07:00

we are in the middle of summer fun at our house. it's been hot. almost like those dog days of summer, but it's only june. oh the joy of kansas in the summer...heat and humidity.

the good news is that the peruvian has not told me one time lately that she was cold. well, unless it was time to get out of the backyard wading pool.

so in the midst to the heat, we've been having a great time. i thought i would put out my lawn chair, throw the little one in the pool and just sun bathe.

this is what that sounds like...

little bit: mom, mom, mommy, look, look, look, lookie, mom look, mommy lookie...mom?

she peers over the edge at me.

me: hhmmmm?

little bit: mommy WATCH ME!

me: opening eyes...ok.

little bit: does some silly, random thing.

me: that's nice.

5 seconds later.

little bit: mom, mom, mommy, look, look, lookie....

on and on it goes.

i have learned to answer quicker, so she doesn't know i'm not really looking. so far that is working better. i still cannot lay there for more than 5 minutes without her hovering over me, but that's ok.

i may end up with interesting tan lines this summer.

she spent one day splashing and rough housing with her brothers. she learned the fine art of water bombs and kicking of the feet to splash the opponent, as well as chucking toys at one another.

the next day her oldest sister played with her. she now knows how to fill up the squirt gun by herself and that you want to claim the orange one first since it squirts the best. she also learned to blow bubbles with her mouth.

the next day it was just me, but she was satisfied to swim like a little fishy, blowing bubbles, kicking her legs and squirting me with her orange squirt gun.

this next week we are heading to the city pool with friends, where she will get to go down the froggy slide. what fun memories we are making.

her level of trust in growing every day. when we first came home, i could not close my eyes in her presence without her becoming worried. she even recently "let" me nap...well sorta. she has a really loud whisper. she let everyone know that i was napping and that they needed to be quiet. while i did not sleep, she let me close my eyes and even tried to protect my sleep.

it is wonderful to see the changes in her. tomorrow is the 8 month anniversary of our gotcha day. i cannot believe how quickly time has flown by. some days it seems like it was yesterday...others like a lifetime ago.

oh lazy days of summer please don't leave!

it's in the mail

2011-05-31T17:48:00.000-07:00

at least that's what i've been told.

the home study.

all finished. in just over 2 months from start to finish.

in the mail.

such beautiful words to hear. especially since we were not sure when it would be finished. you have just got to love it when you are told that the person writing your home study is going on vacation and does not know when they will be able to finish your home study. thank God for an agency that was willing to go to bat for us.

i had a chat this afternoon with our agency representative. she told me some good news. news that warmed my heart.

not only is the home study finished and in the mail.

not only is it time to sign the uscis paperwork and send it in.

but they have received the file of the little man we are hoping to request.

i could hardly believe it myself.

very soon we will be starting our dossier. very soon.

i told her i was surprised that she had it.

she told me that she thought we wanted to request him.

i said, yes that's our plan.

she said, i thought so. so we asked for it. you will get to see it soon.

oh, be still my heart.

the thought chokes me up. i am having a difficult time holding back tears. you see, i have seen this child with my own eyes. he is not just a random name on a list somewhere. he is a real person, with hopes and dreams just like you and me. he longs for a family. he dreams of a family. my hope is to give him one.

a daddy and a mommy, sisters and brothers and a pet dog. with a new bedroom all to himself.

when we were in the process with little bit, i worried about her. i worried about if she was getting enough to eat, or if people cared for her. i wondered if people were loving her or if she was ignored and mistreated. i do not worry about these things with little man. why not, you ask? because i have been to his orphanage, i have met the nuns that are taking care of him. i have seen their love and diligence, their discipline and hard work, compassion and hope.

i have watched these women work. i have watched these women love. i have been blessed with words and hugs. so i know.

this woman who poured herself into my sweet littlest girl, is the same one who brought this boy out to meet us. she is the same one who took my face into her hands and thanked me for coming for our daughter. she told me hard to hear things, she talked about deliverance and hope. she asked for God's blessing on my life. she released this child that she had rescued and prayed over and helped to heal, into my arms and heart. she will do the same for him.

there is a peace that comes with knowing. knowing that until i can travel to peru and become his mother, he is in a good place.

a very good place.

deadlines

2011-05-26T17:07:00.000-07:00

today i received some discouraging news.

our home study agency just gave our adoption agency a deadline of june 1st to have everything done by.

why?

the person at our home study agency is leaving on vacation for "an extended period of time".

uuggghhhhhhh

to say that i feel sick right now would be an understatement.

what i really need from you is prayer.

please pray that these two agencies 685 miles apart can somehow work together. add to the fact that the next weekend is a holiday and no one will be working on monday.

i have heard back from each of the agencies just a little bit ago.

the home study agent is working on our file right now and is hoping to email it back to the adoption agency for final corrections.

the adoption agency told me that although the person that usually handles our case does not work on friday, someone else will step in and finish things up.

it may not seem like a big deal. you may wonder why the concern. why this is so disconcerting.

this is why. we cannot move forward until the home study is completed. no USCIS paperwork to turn in, fingerprints to get, clearance to wait for. no dossier paperwork to start.

we have a deadline too. we want to turn in our dossier, little bit's 2nd post placement and our request for little man. in october. Lord willing.

"and we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." romans 8:28

this path that we have been called to walk down is not of our own choosing. after all what person in their right mind decides to go halfway around the world to adopt an older child? especially when that person's kids are almost all grown up? if you look at it through human eyes, nothing about it makes sense. but i'm not looking through my own eyes, i am looking through the Father's eyes. He sees a child in Peru that is praying for a family tonight, a little boy that dreams of a daddy and a mommy. a little boy that we have met and seen with our own eyes. a little boy that our youngest daughter lived with for almost 3 years of her life. a little boy that a nun begged for us to advocate for, to help find a family for.

i tried, really i did. we told lots and lots of people about him. we prayed that one of our friends would want to make him part of their family. but when it came right down to it, we were the ones called to the task. so in obedience we are saying "yes" to God. i have learned the hard way that it is better to obey the first time i hear His voice.

with that said, we have a deadline.

and i need you to pray.

please.

one more

2011-05-24T19:37:00.000-07:00

my dad took a couple of pretty cute pics that i thought you would enjoy. it's hard to be the hostess and the photographer at the same time. so thanks dad. you rock!

my beautiful daughter right before her recital.

the mom and daughters shot.

the little girl cousins.

silly little girls.

one more.

i remember a day about 2 years ago, before my youngest was part of our family, before we knew her name. i sat in my sister's van driving home from suzuki violin camp. i went along to help with her daughters. one mom and 2 daughters was not a good ration, so i went along. we had a great time. while driving home one afternoon, my sis and i started talking. we did not know the back seat was even listening. they were. one little voice popped up....aunt paige are you going to adopt a little girl? i admitted that was our plan. she was anxious to hear some details. i was willing to share. i told her i didn't know when it would happen....well not exactly. but i knew she would be around their ages and she would be from peru.

since that time our family has surrounded us with encouragement. the cousins have shared toys and clothes and bedroom stuff with us. they have worn tshirts and jewelry...purchasing both to help us with our travel expenses. they have sent us emails, prayed for us and welcomed us home at the airport.

in some ways it is finished and in some ways it's just all beginning. i like what i see. the love that is growing. that these cousins will be friends. that they already have a strong, silly bond that little girls have. you see she evened out the little girl's club in our family. 3 is a hard number, 4 seems to be working a little bit better. less tears, more giggles.

the first time the 4 met, it was difficult. little bit had only been home a couple of weeks and was still learning her place in her family and new life. she didn't speak much english and didn't really know how to play. the girls lost interest in playing with her pretty quickly. she just wasn't ready to be a part of the club yet.

she is now. i am glad that they have been willing to keep a spot open for her, to wait for her to be ready. they have been warm, inviting and so very tolerant. but she is ready now. she loves them so much, talks about them all the time, cannot wait to see them again.

i am glad that they have been willing to add one more.

one more.

it almost makes me wonder if the boys want to start a club too?

one more.