Others are really hard.
There have been lots of things I have wanted to share with you, but I just feel raw. Apparently I used to be a lot tougher skinned that I am now. I guess.
This week has started out tough.
Last weekend I was at Created for Care in Buford, Georgia with 450 of my best friends. Worshipping. Crying. Praying.
For the first time I met a dear friend who has been walking this adoption path with me....for almost 3 years. Meeting her was one the the highlights of my entire year. It was like seeing an old high school friend, one that you have amazing memories, shared secrets, inside jokes with. Except we had never met in person. Oh we have skyped and emailed and called and messaged and texted. But never met until last Friday morning. I loved every minute we spent together. Her friend was pretty amazing too. We were often laughing hysterically...especially when we were supposed to be quiet or listening.
I also spent last weekend with my little sis. We have any amazing bond, not that I do not have a special friendship with my middle sis, cuz I do, she just plain rocks and I do not get to spend enough time with her. But my baby sis understands adoption like no one else in our family does. It is part of her heart. Part of her soul. Part of her motherhood. Needless to say, we had a fabulous time together. She sat and prayed for me as I spoke. I talked the food people at the hotel into finding food she could eat. We had bananas and guacamole delivered to our table....just for her, although she did share the guacamole. I love that during the last prayer of our weekend I put my arm around her as we were prayed over, we both melted into tears and held on tight. So much to process and learn from. It was beautiful. She is beautiful.
The whole weekend has left me feeling even more raw than when I boarded my place to Atlanta.
I've tried not to think too much about it, I am not sure i will ever stop crying once the tears begin.
In the midst of the raw, we have had a few bright spots.
The weekend before the retreat we had a beautiful balmy Saturday....not common in Kansas. So we shooed the kidlets out to the backyard to soak up the vitamin d. I ran a few errands and when I came home they had something to show me. A giant letter written in sidewalk chalk on the back patio.
This is what it said.
Dear mom and dad,
Thank you for adoption c, e and me. I <3 this family and the kids to. Thank you for the house. Thank you for all of your love for we. Thank you for clothes. Thank you for all. Thank you. And we are happy for this. Love you.
Pretty sweet? Why yes, it almost makes the really hard days bearable.